Hard Rock International Hard Rock

I held up my boarding pass and walked through the gate. My wife, Harper, was right ahead of me, and we both were so loaded with bags and suitcases that we could barely fit between the doorways. Our 10th anniversary was in a couple of days. We both had come into agreement that there was no better way to celebrate than to go on an all-expense-paid cruise to Hawaii.
As we made it up to the deck, we marveled at all the entertainment. There was a band playing to greet us. Pools, water slides, mini-golf, a drive-in sized screen that was displaying boarding information, bars, and restaurants, and that was just what we could see while walking in! This was definitely the right choice for our anniversary vacation. I couldn’t wait to get these bags unloaded and start to enjoy ourselves.
We went into the doors that led to the cabins. There was another beautiful bar down below us. There was a sports bar to the left showing the games on different screens and a small library to our right. Before we made it to the cabins, there was a coffee bar that served specialty coffees and desserts. If religion has it right, I hope that heaven is something like this. You couldn’t walk through a door anywhere without finding something exciting.
Once we made it to our cabin, we dropped all our bags and looked at each other with stars in our eyes. I pulled my wife close for a kiss and then kept my arms around her. I asked eagerly about how we should begin.
“Well, what should we do first? The casino? The arcade?”
She smirked before replying.
“Such a man, don’t forget about the fine dining at 6, followed by the show at the Theatre.”
I drew back and acted faux offended.
“Are you insinuating that I have no culture? I made our reservations before we even boarded, don’t worry. Dinner isn’t for a long time though, how about we go get some of those tacos and a coffee to get ourselves going.”
“Now you’re speaking my language.” She replied with a grin.
“Let’s unpack later. I am starving, and I think that coffee bar right there makes caramel macchiatos.”
Her eyes lit up yet again as I grabbed her hand, and we rushed towards the door. The coffee bar did have macchiatos, which I got with an extra shot of espresso. She ordered a frozen drink that was more sweetness than coffee, and we made our way back onto the deck where the tacos awaited.
The weather was beautiful. It was Fall time, and the sun was just warm enough to be inviting, accompanied by the blissful breeze that blew along the top of the deck. As we drew near to Tito’s Taco Shop, we heard the captain coming through the loudspeakers announcing takeoff. He reminded us about the mandatory safety meeting in a couple of hours and then wished us to have a great time aboard the ship.
It was still strange to be in large groups of people without wearing a mask. The pandemic was finally eradicated once the vaccines were distributed. The cruise and tourism industries were hit hard, as were many others. It seemed that people were at last willing to come back out again, and there was no shortage of cruise-goers ready for a trip to the islands.
I had my phone out and was looking up things to do in Honolulu for the days that we were in port. Scuba diving was a must. I had heard that sometimes you could see sharks or even hold an octopus on your hand if you got lucky enough. I wanted to do some hiking near the volcanoes if we had time. All the spam was going to be strange, but as much as they cook with it, I bet they were able to make it taste like a delicacy.
They were in the process of building a new aquarium. It looked like it was going to be a huge one. Sadly, it did not look like it would be done in time for us to check it out. The black sands beach looked incredible, though. Instead of sand, it said that the whole beach was covered in smooth black lava rocks. We would definitely have to make a stop there.
“Ethan! Do you want salsa on your tacos? Chicken or steak?”
I put my phone away and looked at the meats before responding and did so to the guy who was making them as he finished up my wife’s two glorious looking tacos.
“I’ll take one of both with some of that green salsa. Thank you!”
All the free tacos that you could eat, why couldn’t life always be like that?
“Let’s sit over there by the side, so we can watch the takeoff,” Harper said, before taking a big sip of her frozen coffee.
We took a seat and took in the last sight of land that we would see for about 4 days. Once we arrived, we would tour the different islands, stopping at each port and having a day to explore. There were some people on land waving towards the ship. We joined many others who were near the side waving back. I couldn’t help but feel bad for all of those poor people stuck on the land.
“Bon Voyage to us, I guess.”
I held up my coffee for a cheers, and Harper returned the gesture. Her face was glowing. I couldn’t remember seeing her so happy since the day of our wedding.
“This is really going to be a nice break from reality.” She said as she picked up her taco to take her first bite.
“Yeah, it will. Nothing like this in the world.”
We took our time, enjoying each bite as our view of the coastline became a thing of the past. When we were finished, we looked into each other’s eyes. I reached across the table to hold her hand. She sounded a bit anxious as she spoke.
“It is a lot to take in, isn’t it? There is so much to do that I’m afraid of missing out on something. Where should we go first?”
I squeezed her hand and spoke in a reassuring tone.
“We have plenty of time to take it all in. Let’s just make sure to relax and do whatever makes us happy. It will all work itself out.”
Once we had our fill of gazing into the ocean, we decided that we would head back to the room and get unpacked, while we waited for the safety orientation. The time flew by, and before we knew it, they were calling our section over the loudspeaker.
We arrived with all the other passengers and waited for a moment until the crew member made it so we could begin. They gave us the spiel about the life jackets. They explained how the evacuation process works in case of a problem and let us hear a sample of the siren that would be played if there was an emergency.
I was zoning out and staring out of the window. We were near the bottom of the ship, and you could see the water moving beside us. It put me in a bit of a trance, and I kind of lost myself in it for a moment. I was snapped out of it when I saw something I couldn’t quite comprehend.
It happened pretty fast, and most of the people were looking at the crew member as he spoke. I could have been mistaking, but It looked like a giant tentacle had moved by the window and curled out of sight.
I looked around to see if anyone else had seen what I thought I just saw. There was a teenaged boy who looked excited and shocked. He was tugging at his father’s sleeve and explaining something to him. He seemed to brush him off and looked frustrated at the interruption. Everyone else was paying attention to the speech and had apparently not seen a thing.
Harper noticed how shaken I was and asked me quietly if everything was alright. I shook it off and said I would tell her about it later. We sat through the rest of the orientation. Nothing else went by the window, other than the waves being made by the ship.
As we arrived back on the deck, we were grabbing a drink from the tiki-themed bar. Harper chose one of those blue drinks with the little umbrella on top. After what I had seen, I opted for a straight glass of their best scotch. I had explained my story to her, and she was busy trying to figure out what it could have been that I saw.
“So, you’re sure it was all the way up by the window? Even at that lower level, that must be pretty high up from the water. Maybe it was something that crawled up the side, and it just seemed like it was larger because of forced-perspective?”
I took a big sip of my scotch and shook my head in confusion.
“Yeah, I mean, maybe. I really don’t know.”
She looked as if a light bulb went off in her head, and she shot back a smart remark.
“You’ve been reading a bunch of that H. P. Lovecraft stuff again, haven’t you? I’m sure it wasn’t Cthulhu if that’s what you are thinking.”
I laughed and felt my tension release.
“No, it’s not that. I just thought it was weird, that’s all. Enough about that, let’s figure out what we’re going to do until the formal dinner and play tonight.”
She responded with a grin.
“I seem to remember someone mentioning the arcade and the casino.”
I must have looked like a kid on Christmas morning because she burst out laughing. We finished our drinks and made our way past the large screen that was now cycling through reminders of all the different events that you could attend. Night club, comedy club, it seemed like there was no end to the number of things you could do on this ship.
We walked through the casino that was already bustling with cruise-goers. It looked like a good time. They even had versions of those toy cranes that were set up to pick up huge wads of cash. That might be the next stop, but I had my eyes set on the zombie shooter game with two green guns. The arcade was right past the casino and was full of all kinds of games to keep us entertained.
Not as many people were eager to jump straight for the arcade apparently. Harper and I had the whole place to ourselves. I went to the coin machine to get out some tokens. There was a door that read “Staff Only” right by the machine. I heard a loud slamming noise that caught my attention, even over the music that was playing in the arcade. I leaned in a little and heard a heated conversation on the other side.
“This is so fucked up. I can’t believe that they got loose. They need to tell all of the people!”
“Can you imagine the chaos that would cause? I get where you are coming from, trust me. It’s better this way, though.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right… People would be going crazy.”
The door opened, and I jumped as I was still leaning in to eavesdrop. This must have been apparent to the two kids who walked out because they looked a bit frightened and then hurried right past me. I grabbed the tokens out of the machine and walked over to the machine where my wife was waiting.
“You look like you just saw a ghost or something. Don’t tell me some fish people are walking around on board now.”
I couldn’t even fake a laugh or smile. I explained what I had just heard as I put the coins into the machine and started up the game. She did not seem concerned about the new development.
“They could have been talking about a mechanical issue or something. Try not to worry too much. We deserve to have the time of our lives on this trip. I don’t want you to start to obsess on this and lose sight of why we are here.”
I shrugged at this and answered in a resigned tone.
“Yeah, I guess you’re right. Worrying isn’t going to fix anything anyway. Could you please start taking out some of these zombies, though? I’m carrying the whole game over here. You have a power-up to use, hit the red button.”
She smacked me with the gun for talking trash, but the mood felt much lighter after that. Before long, we grew tired of the arcade and decided to play a few games at the casino. I have never been the best card player, and she was no better than me. This being the case, we opted for the giant money claw machine.
I swear that both of us grabbed a stack a handful of times each. The claw would never hold its grip, though. Feeling more than a little bit scammed, we decided to blow a bit of time at the slots until we had to go get ready for dinner. As soon as we sat down, the person who went on the money claw right behind us exclaimed loudly as the machine lit up and started to make a loud ringing noise. I looked over to Harper and gestured towards him.
“That seems about right, huh? We pump fifty dollars into that thing, and he walks away with a jackpot after one.”
“Such is life.” She responded as she pumped some tokens into the slot machine.
I couldn’t help but hear two guys on some machines behind us, as they were beginning to get a bit rowdy with each other.
“You tryin’ to say I don’t know what I saw man?”
His friend responded quickly.
“No, no, no, man. I’m not trying to say you’re seeing things or whatever else. I’m just saying that it’s crazy. There is no way it can be right!”
After this, the first man shot up out of his seat, knocking over his stool as he did. This caused quite the scene, and many people were starting to gaze in the direction now.
“Yeah, that’s alright. You think whatever the hell you want. I’m gonna go find someone to talk to about it right now!”
He stormed off, leaving his friend looking a bit shell-shocked and embarrassed. Harper looked toward me, and as if reading her mind, I pushed my seat back away from the machine.
“Yeah, let’s get out of here. We need to get ready for dinner.”
She raised her eyebrows in surprise at what we had just witnessed and responded.
“Sounds good to me. I haven’t won anything anyway. Let’s go.”
I looked back towards the guy’s friend, who he left standing there. After considering it for a moment, I leaned in towards my wife.
“You go ahead, I’ll catch up with you in just a second.”
She looked a bit frustrated but did not fight it.
“Hurry up, I want to make sure we get a good seat. It’s going to take us a while to get ready.”
She kissed me on the cheek and took off towards the deck, which led over towards the cabins. I walked up towards the man who was about to walk off before I caught his attention.
“Excuse me, sir? I overheard you and your friend. What was it that he thinks he saw?”
He looked at me warily. It was clear that he really didn’t want to discuss the matter.
“Look, he’s usually not like that, you know? I don’t know what’s gotten into him, honestly.”
I shook my head. He obviously didn’t understand why I was asking.
“No, I saw something strange as well. I’m not trying to say your friend is going crazy at all. I was just wondering what it is that he was saying he saw.”
This seemed to unnerve him more than help calm his nerves. He looked around to make sure nobody was listening in.
“Man, he was saying that he saw a giant fucking octopus, bro. Like, 30 feet long or so is how he was describing it. It’s ridiculous, there is no way they would allow something like that on one of these ships.”
My heart dropped all the way to my feet. I covered my mouth, and I think he could tell by my reaction that what he said had rocked me to the core. I stammered and managed a weak reply as horror rushed through my body.
“I..I… On the boat??”
He nodded and looked at me with the same type of concern he had been showing to his friend. My face must have been as white as a sheet at this point.
“Thanks.”
I took off out of the door, in a huge rush to catch up with Harper. I was looking around in a panic, my heart racing and ready to beat right out of my chest. I was about to just take off to the room when I heard Harper’s voice.
“Ethan! Over here, I grabbed some hot tea.”
I saw her over by the edge of the deck, waving me over. I ran up to her and could hardly focus.
“I thought you needed something to help you relax, and it looks like I was right. What are you freaking out about right now?”
I tried to collect my thoughts and was going to respond when she pointed behind me and cut me off.
“Hey, isn’t that the guy that was just going nuts in the casino?”
I turned around, and the man was being dragged towards a door that was marked “Employees Only”. Two larger deckhands were pulling him that way, each with a tight grip on one of his arms. He was fighting hard to try and break their hold and calling out for help. As they made it through the door with the man, I grabbed Harper by the shoulders and looked into her eyes.
“We have to go. Let’s get to the room, I don’t want to explain out here.”
She nodded, and we made our way towards the cabins. Once we were in our own cabin, she put down the hot teas on our dresser and walked right up to me with an exasperated look on her face.
“Babe, what in the heck is going on right now? This isn’t about the freaking tentacle that you saw out the window, is it?”
I looked shiftily around the room and towards our view of the ocean.
“Yes… I mean, no… Well, not really, anyway.”
“You have got to calm down. Just take a deep breath and explain.”
I did as she suggested and took a long deep breath to collect my thoughts. I told her about what the guy’s friend had said back at the casino. She made the connection between this and the man being dragged off the deck against his will. I also explained what I heard from the crew members when we were at the arcade. I could tell she was beginning to take what I was saying seriously.
I looked off into a corner as I made a connection. It seemed like a bit of a stretch to me, but it was the only thing I could think of. I know that she wouldn’t judge me at this point if it sounded a bit outlandish. After thinking it over for a moment, I decided to tell her what I was thinking.
“When I was looking for things to do in Honolulu earlier, there was an advertisement for a new aquarium that was coming soon. One of the main attractions was that they were going to have a bunch of Giant Pacific Octopi.
I didn’t think about it until now, but what if that is what is on this ship? Let me google it really quick, I had never heard of that type of octopus, so I didn’t think much of it.”
I got the search pulled up and nodded in a cold understanding before continuing.
“This is exactly what that guy was describing. I don’t know why they would use a cruise ship to deliver something like that. It’s the only thing that makes any sense right now, though.”
Harper was looking at the google search thoughtfully and responded.
“I mean, I guess that these were two of the hardest-hit economies during the pandemic, tourism, and cruise ships. It makes some kind of twisted sense that they would come together to try and help each other out. Octopi are known to be very mischievous, even when they aren’t the size of a freaking semi-trailer.”
She made a good point. Nothing had really made sense for a few years now with how crazy the world had been. This made as much sense as anything else when it was put into perspective. I just shook my head in amazement and looked towards her.
“Well, what do we do from here?”
“I know this is crazy, but I’m sure they will have a handle on those things. They would not have arranged to have them on board and not prepared for the possibility that they could escape.
I say we get ready and go to dinner as we had planned. We don’t want to spend our whole 10th-anniversary cruise holed-up in the cabin. Even if all this crazy guesswork is correct, and that is what the guy from the casino saw, I’m sure that they have everything under control.”
I pressed my fingers against my eyes and tried to wrap my mind around everything. I may have been scared out of my mind, but she was right. Our best bet was to hope that it was all under control and at least try to enjoy our time on the ship. This was not going to happen again anytime soon, if ever.
“Yeah. Let’s do that, I agree. Let’s just get dressed and try to have a good time. I’m sure if it was too bad, everyone would be on lockdown or something.”
She brightened up a bit with my saying this. We both went into our luggage and began to start the process of getting changed into our formal dining attire. Before long, I was tying the knot in my tie, and she was putting the final touches on her hair. I walked up behind her in the mirror and held her by the shoulders.
“You look incredible. Let’s go and have the time of our lives.”
She gave me a big smile, and I pulled her in for a kiss. I backed up and held out my arm towards her. As she grabbed onto it, we made our way for the door.
The formal dining room was the most luxurious area on the ship by far. Chandeliers hung from the ceiling. There were large wine racks along many of the walls, and the entire dining room was walled in by the most beautiful windows that I had ever seen. There was an ornate window on the ceiling as well. It was just beginning to get dark, and I was sure that soon we would be able to see the stars all across the sky.
The waiter walked up and asked what we would like to drink. He was dressed in a black vest with a bow tie and a white shirt. I told him that we would take a bottle of wine that he recommended. I also asked him to give me a recommendation for my meal. Once Harper heard his suggestion of parmesan encrusted lamb with asparagus, she decided that she would follow suit.
He brought out some bread with olive oil as a complimentary appetizer to go with our wine. As he poured our first glasses and set the bottle down, I grabbed my glass of wine and held it up toward my beautiful wife. She looked every bit as lovely as the day of our wedding, and I was flooded with a flurry of emotions as I said my toast.
“Here is to 10 amazing years. Every one of them has been an adventure, and I look forward to every year that I’ll be lucky enough to spend with you as we continue that adventure.”
She smiled and blushed ever so slightly as she reached her glass to clink off of mine. We both took a sip, and she responded in a relieved manner.
“That’s the spirit, it is starting to actually feel like a relaxing vacation.”
“Hey, that’s what it’s all about, isn’t it? It’s so nice to have a break from work, housework, and all the monotony of the day-to-day. We make a pretty good team through all of that drudgery, though. Don’t you think?”
Suddenly, I saw the smile get wiped from her face. The look that crept onto her face was one of sheer terror. Her glass of wine had been in her hand. When her face went from delight to horror, she tossed it on the ground with a crash. A scream came from deep within her, which was blood-curdling and intimated that absolute ruin was imminent.
I turned toward the spot that she was staring at. I understood all at once the doom that awaited all of us in the dining room. A giant octopus came crashing through the windows near the entrance where we all had arrived, knocking over the many racks of wine as it came and turning the floor as red as blood. Seemingly at the same time, another came from the side closest to the ocean and blocked the only other way out of the dining room into the kitchen.
I grabbed Harper’s arm, and we ran toward the corner as far from the beasts as we could manage. It was pandemonium as the whole dining room erupted into turmoil. I flipped a circle table up against the corner so that Harper and I could try to hide behind it for protection.
I saw one man who ran as fast as he could towards a small opening next to the octopus, who was blocking the main entrance. The creature reached a giant tentacle out for him and pulled him into his beak. There were shrieking howls of pain, unlike anything I have ever heard as blood sprayed out from underneath.
A couple of people were able to dart around as the octopus was distracted. Another unfortunate lady was grabbed by one of the spare tentacles, though. He squeezed her around the throat, and we had to watch as her face turned purple. Eventually, the life was squeezed right from her body.
I held Harper tight as she was sobbing like mad and unable to stop her body from shaking. We saw an opening. The one by the front entrance went toward a group of people on the opposite side of the room. As soon as it did, we bolted for the door. As we drew near, another octopus came crashing through the window on the ceiling, crushing a few unfortunate souls as it joined in the massacre. We kept running until we were well onto the deck.
The chaos did not stop in the dining room. People were running like mad all over the deck. I didn’t know where we would be safe, but I thought that maybe we could lock ourselves in our cabin until we could be rescued from this madness. It was a nice thought, but as we went for the doors, another one of those damn things came down to block our way.
We ran for the area in front of the drive-in style screen where Re-Animator was playing. A man was gibbering to himself in a wild manner and hiding behind a chair. As we drew near, I noticed a tear in the screen as another one came through and snatched the man up as he yelled out for help.
Our options for safety were becoming extremely limited. We ran for the bar where we jumped over the top and hid with a large group of people, peaking over to watch it all unfold. That was when we saw what I knew would be the end of us all. There was an army of them descending upon us. I held Harper tight as we waited on the inevitable.
I watched as a family of three were huddling together in the middle of the deck. They were almost surrounded, but the father pushed the mother and child toward an opening so that they could make it to safety with the rest of us. He let out a guttural cry as they ripped him to shreds. His little girl cried in a high-pitched squeal reaching for him until the mother grabbed her and ran towards us.
The mother was getting close when one of the monstrous creatures came hurtling behind her. As she noticed, she reached out with her daughter. I leaned out over the bar and grabbed onto her as the octopus reached the mother and held her tightly. I was pulling my hardest as the mother was holding on tight, and I hoped that they both might be saved.
I was punching and pulling at the tentacles and doing my best to cause him to let the mother go. She released her daughter, and the others brought her down behind the bar. I wouldn’t let go of her mother’s arms as she cried out in distress.
That was when I heard it. It was the deepest and most powerful sound that I have ever heard. It shook the ship violently. The bottles of liquor and glasses were falling all around us. It was hard to describe the immense strength and power that the sound exhibited all around us. When the sound came, though, something strange began to happen.
The octopus that held the child’s mother released her, and we pulled her behind the bar with us quickly. She fell to her daughter and clutched her tightly as they wept in each other’s arms. All of the creatures began to release the people that they were attacking. They were moving in unison towards the edges of the ship. They crawled over the side, and one by one, they made their way into the ocean.
Once all the monsters had left the ship, the people made their way slowly to the side to see what was happening. For some reason, they were all leaving. As quickly as they had descended upon us, they left us. It appeared to be almost in a synchronized manner. They all were swimming in the same direction, and we watched in disbelief. Nobody aboard this ship would ever be the same if they made it out alive, but many of us were saved by what could only be described as a call. A call that came from something massive, much larger than the creatures that had plagued us. It was a call that came from deep within the ocean and was more monstrous than anything that we could have ever imagined.

[Let's Build] d100 Strange Shops

Maybe magical, extraplanar, or just unusual. Comment and I'll add yours to the list :)

Imp Imporium - This store is small and boxy, and entirely made of redwood. A tall devil stands behind the counter wearing a suit and tie, and imps are chained to the walls. He offers you the services of one of his imps for a small price- the rights to the imp's memories of what they did when you're done. He requires a much larger material collateral for if you don't return the imp or it dies/is irreparably maimed in your service.
Coagulation Station - A seemingly normal (if ugly) old woman runs this roadside popup store. It is nothing more than a cart with a sign next to it reading "Coagulation Station" painted roughly in red over a lime background. She offers healing supplies, potions, and rations in return for a small vial of your blood. (Feel free to come up with consequences for buying from her, such as her being a hag or using it for a strange ritual, etc.)
Elemental Extras - An air, earth, fire and water elemental stand in the four corners of this (entirely brick) shop. Unfortunately, the "shopkeepers" only speak primordial, so good luck if you don't. They each offer to put special elemental effects on whatever you own, such as a fire effect on your sword, an ice effect on your armor to freeze whatever hits you, or an earth effect on an arrow to have surrounding dirt swallow whoever it hits. Everything here is understandably very expensive.
Vraug aks stor - A very tall, older orc hero enthusiastically tries to sell his weapons in this shop in order to retire. They're hung up on the walls, all showing varying signs of use. Some appear to be magical. Vraug also tries to tell his customers stories about each weapon before they buy (and especially before they ask.) The weapon most prominently displayed is a +4 Great Axe, with obsidian blades, a dragon-scale tip on the end and golden threads running down the handle. There are a few chinks in it, and the tip somehow has a dent in it, but the damage only seems to add to the charm. He charges an extraordinary price for this axe.
Angel Bazaar - Apparently recently the churches haven't been generating enough coin to keep the local deity fiscally afloat, and some angels have taken it upon themselves to raise that extra money. Some are selling more regular items for cheaper prices, such as healing items, some are selling more extravagant magical items, and even others are offering "miracles." They're all set up in a series of stands in a small square that you swear wasn't here before.
Betsie's Black Cauldron- everything is black, especially Betsie. From black oak ethanol to black licorice she has ingredients and potions unique to her gimmick. u/LateLolth96
The Fleeting Flyer's Fast Findings- if the item floats, flies, or is otherwise airborne this shop might have it. Limited time only and has (randomized) a rare three uncommons and six commons but the more you travel the more likely you are to come across it because it's on a one man spell jammer with two carnival cars behind it. u/LateLolth96
The Kyuss Kasino- a worm themed casino where the main attraction is the purple tunnel which is a purple worm in a metal harness designed to prevent it from moving and to keep its mouth open. The wager, and incidentally, the show is if you can make it out the other end alive you [win]. There are scrying orbs that display a live feed of the current "adventurer" in the worm for 5 silver lasting 30 min before the next five silver (no refunds). Quest hook? u/LateLolth96
Djinni Gin Jamboree- a once a month festival celebrating a moon cycle of the dm's choosing. Marids sell their distilled saliva as well as various forms of never-before-seen-by-man fish dishes, and water elementals play live music which more or less sounds like the rhythmic gurgling of a muddy brook. u/LateLolth96
The Crossroads Corridor - An invite only shop, given to adventures who have a number of their own magical items. When the invitation is slid under any closed doorway, said doorway will become the doorway to the shop. Operated by The Masked Man, it is a magical item shop that trades magical items for magical items of similar value. Leaving will exit out the door you originally put the invitation under. u/Hacknslaasher
Bottom's Bottomless Meatpies - It's cheap, delicious (although a bit gamey and hard to chew) and the servings are enormous. The shop is run by an old goblin with an enormous smile, his name is Toothy Bottom, less so because of his bum, and more so because of a secret that he isn't telling any one, the secret that has made his Meatpie-shop the most well visited in the entire area, at least by those not able to afford fine dining in the upper districts.For you see, underneath this humble shopped, staffed every hour of every day with more goblins than you can count on one hand, or two hands if you have taken ABM (Advanced Barbarian Maths), lies a large, cavernous mining operation.You enter it through a set of large trap-doors found in the cold-store basement where you find the literal wheelbarrows of meat that allow every customer to order however much meat they want in (or on) their pies, as long as the Goblins can lift it up to the counter (the largest order so far was, according to the Goblins managing the front of the house, "the weight of a small baby wrapped in a nasty hunting dog." they have made no comment as to how they know that specific measurement).Once you are through the trap-doors, you'll find a rail-system rivaling that of the largest Dwarven mines, with rail-master goblins timing and directing all the in- and out- going traffic, and every cart that comes in is absolutely and utterly loaded with meat, which is then loaded on wheelbarrows and carted up through the trapdoor.If you were to follow the rails as deep as they go, through all of the winding tunnels, across chasms, past various cave-dwelling monsters that try to snack on the meat or goblins or, well, you, then you'll eventually find yourself at the namesake of mr. Toothy Bottom.A large, mass of rock-hard skin, covered in spines and horns and other sharp shapes, it has been split open, and the dark flesh underneath is mined ceaselessly by a small army of Goblins. They aren't violent, in fact, they are quite cowardly, but they are as professional as any Goblin can be, and they are also fighting a continuous fight against the flesh with their pickaxes.For you see, the open wound is constantly trying to close itself, regenerating at a blinding speed that the Goblins have learned to keep up with after opening the wound large enough to allow for their massive excavation progress.This may be the toothy bottom of the pits and chasms.But it is also a small area of the sleeping Tarrasque, regenerating fast enough that it does not notice the harm being done to it, and with a large enough Goblin Workforce to drive the economy of what is, essentially, a small Goblin Kingdom in these tunnels, complete with blacksmiths making new Meat-axes and monster-hide-leathercrafters making workboots and pants for the Goblins working down in that caustic blood.And let's not forget, that the entire lower class of the city has eaten Tarrasque meat at least once, some of them for years.But it's only two silver pieces for as much pie as you want (or can carry), so who cares to ask where it's all coming from? u/Neknoh
Sarah’s sewing shop, “World class Seamstress.” - She means world class! She can repair even magical fabric to like new condition. Everything she makes alterations to gives them a +1 to charisma for 24hrs or until dirtied. Bonus returns after being thoroughly washed and dried (some items are dry clean only)She’s also a dry cleaners. u/rab-byte
The Philosopher’s Time Shop - Sundials, watches, windup clocks, candle clocks, hourglasses the size of mites up to the size of your average goliath, the Philosopher has a range to suit almost any buyer in need of a way to measure time. Be careful, the hours you spend there fly away like seconds! u/ElZoof
Oakshot Saddliery - Gwinnett Oakshot caters to a select clientele, those looking for clothes, armour, weapons and equipment specifically designed to suit those who spend at least part of their days in a different body shape. Minor magic at most, it’s mostly just very well designed to suit your Druid on the go or werebeing out for a night on the town. u/ElZoof
Jasper, Goldhand, Bloodstrangler and Smith - What does “‘til death us do part” mean if your wife is now a lich? Does a lifetime guarantee still stand if the object in question broke before the manufacturers were born? What exactly is an annuity? The firm of JGB&S is on hand to assist with non-devilish contracts of any kind. u/ElZoof
Morogh's "Pet's" - This pet shelter is run by an older halfling named Morogh. He's kindhearted and only wants the best for his little animal companions he sells. From apes over hawks to wolfs, he just has every animal companion you could think of, but his store also has a back area. Not everyone is welcomed there as he also sells abandoned monster hatchlings, like griffons, owlbears, pseudodragons and even a red dragon wyrmling. Those monsters are all tamed so no danger there, Morogh just wants to know his customers better before trying to sell one of his more 'exotic' assets.The adventurers maybe can persuade him or do a favor for him (possible quest), like acquiring some exotic food for the more demanding beasts and monsters he houses. After this Morogh decides to sell them one of his monsters as a companion. u/Th3Banzaii
Plane Ole' Butcher - A butcher shop that sells meat from an unknown plane of origin. One day a small portal opened up from the ground and strange-smelling exotic meats have been extruding from the portal. A shop was built around the portal which has been active and pumping for 50 years. People come to see the wonder firsthand but they stay for the dirt-cheap meats. The meats are char-grilled and heavily spiced to soften the meat's naturally pungent flavor. u/HeyShipmate
Looters Late Return (aka LooLaRe)- A seedy smelling store run by an androgynous goblin who wears overly fancy clothes. This goblin sells in bulk only, and at discounted prices. The catch is that if you make a purchase, you must sign a contract guaranteeing repeated weekly purchases. Your bulk discount increases the more product you are able to move, but if you are unable to maintain your weekly purchases, the goblin’s secret network of enforcers comes for it’s dues. Or your life. u/pikkl_rikk
Sandman Fisheries - This tightly packed stall smells or marine air and salty nets. It has all the sea can offer to the gourmet with a striking emphasis on huge fish: tuna, spadefish, and the occasional gargantuan squid. The product is impeccably fresh. Always. Sandman (a desert dweller and camel race aficionado) doesn't seem to understand what you're asking about the supply chain and how come his shop ever exists at hundred of miles from the nearest sea! u/Banuken
T'zargo's fine wares - This shop can be mysteriously seen in any plane, but always appears as an identical modern convenience store looking building. Inside is a tabaxi named T'zargo, always advertising his "fine wares at reasonable prices." He sells extremely rare and powerful items for millions of gold, along with random everyday items. Some of these rare items include an axe once wielded by Baphomet, and draws from a deck of many things. His mundane items he always pulls out of a box on his counter, and they include a full rowboat and 30 chairs. u/Kellen1013
The Magic Commoner - A basic magic item shop owned by a young elf wizard named Tavon Ilidan. He sells all sorts of magical things from armor to weapons and rings an such.The thing about his shop even though on the outside it looked like a regular building despite being one solid color; purple, orange, green ect. But when you walk inside it's much larger than its outward appearance.The shop also travels via a magical door. Tavon has a set of different keys he keeps with him representing the different cities of the land/world. He first closes the front door, locks it, then unlocks it with a new city key and when he opens it, it opens to the new city.Tavon's appearance reflects on which city he is in and what color his shop is. If is shop is blue his robes are blue as well. Tavon also has a secret. Even though he looks like a young elf he is actually an ancient gold dragon that simply likes to travel and meet new people without the stigma of being a dragon. He likes to play tricks on people and test them to see if they are worthy of specific items in his shop, (IE a wand of fireballs he made himself.) u/nota_person
Mallard Maladies - A veterinary clinic for ducks. The shop keeper is an old blind man who refuses to heal non duck creatures, but can be tricked into healing non ducks with a high enough deception ability. Despite the name, the clinic services male and female ducks. u/El_Jewbacabra
The Exploding Wand Shop- A shop that is characterized by an explosion that lifts the roof of the building off the walls and expelled black smoke every few hours - followed by the owner shouting from inside "I'M FINE, EVERYTHING'S OKAY!"The owner is a young Eladrin Artificer named Seyf Melorathian who experiments on new wands and other magical wonders. His face is a black charcoal from the soot of the explosions but otherwise would be a light brown. He has a pair of glasses that protects his eyes from being covered in soot. He has blond hair and wears a Smith's apron. He sells common rarity wands, up to rare rarity wonderous items, and has been working on an experimental wand of fireballs. You can only purchase an experimental wand if you do a material gathering quest for him.If you buy one of his wand of fireballs (2000gp and a waiver signed to not sue) there's a 10% chance that when used the wand will cast a second fireball centered on you during the spell.He also offers enchanting services at various speeds depending on the rarity of the requested enchantment. He will also willingly take on apprentices or teach enchantment to anyone. u/xBramStokerx
Fishman’s Man Fry – A Triton, named Vamras Vogalath, with broken Common serves delectable seafood dishes. If asked about the name, he explains that it is food FOR men, not for fishes.Side note- this is shop is not anywhere near any large body of water. Nobody in town is sure exactly where the fish come from. u/Unprincipled
Shwarma Tent - delicious herb infused fried flatbread with cured meats and shredded carrot and cucumber. The tent has small tripod tables and stools of worn wood. Patrons carve their names and other messages into the tabletops. Among the mundane names can be found the names of previous characters and NPCs that the party met, BBEGs they defeated, dated long ago, the current ruler of the land and the name of an old lover with a heart around it, Ash Ketchum, Drizzt, The Doctor, and the original Avengers. Searching carefully can also reveal a cryptic message to the party, seemingly carved years prior, but naming the PCs. u/bluecor
Threads of Fate - three old sisters weave spidersilk and mundane silk into beautiful garments with embroidery that sometimes changes its image. For instance, a nightrobe has the moon and a starry sky embroidered, and the moon changes its phase with the real moon. On another, a dragon slowly chases its own tail, with its wingtips pointing to the time, as a clock. Yet another displays an hourglass which constantly drains, and runs out when the wearer dies. Other images might show great moving battles, gently waving flags that slowly fade and dilapidate as the empire becomes more corrupt, or ruins that become progressively overgrown with vines. The theme of the garments deal with the passage of time and the inevitable end of life. u/bluecor
Salty's - the owner Saltamancia sells salt of differing coarseness and colors, and is an expert on which textures best compliment which purposes, from baking fine rolls to soaking one's feet after a days march. He has certain rare salts from distant lands with rare properties. For abjuring circles, he has a blessed salt that cannot be dispersed by gusts of wind. For healing, he has a fine blue salt that, when mixed with honey and packed into a wound, prevents infection and scarring. Another salt taken with hot peppermint tea can remove an additional level of exhaustion with a rest. True to his name, Saltamancia is old and curmudgeonly u/bluecor
Bestboots - Bestboots sells custom footwear of exceeding quality, made from rare materials. The footwear can be light for nimble moves or heavy for kicking doors. With the right materials (possibly a quest) minor advantages can be built into the footwear. For example, a sole of felted yeti hair can give normal traction on ice, and a sole of gummed soapwood sap can allow the wearer to ignore a casting of grease underfoot. u/bluecor
Hap's Microbrews - Hap claims to have perfected the means of beer portability, in that his brews are bottled and sealed under pressure in containers of lightweight spun cellulose which dont shatter when dropped. Opening his bottled beer releases a small localized burst of cold, chilling the beer just shy of freezing. The locals generally ignore his cart and "ice cold beer" sign, as ales are meant to be drunk at room temperature so that they don't unsettle the stomach. A discouraged Hap sits by his cart of beer bemoaning his own foolishness at sinking his fortune into such a folly. u/bluecor
Indelible - this quiet dusty alcove sells the magical inks, parchment, paper, vellum, papyrus, and delicate quills needed to prepare arcane and divine scrolls. Also sketch artistry, heraldry, and calligraphy supplies. Blank spellbooks, charcoal, pastels, and a few unique items are sold. Glowing chalk leaves marks that remain luminous for several hours. A special lightly waxed paper is waterproof and can be written on underwater with a special pencil. A waterproof scrollcase holds six tightly rolled papers in individual tubes, designed so you can immediately draw out the scroll you desire without searching through a sheaf of papers. The proprietor Abagnale is a gifted forger, and can make needed documents for the right fee, but only those skilled in thieve's cant would be able to recognize this based on a small glyph carved above the lintel. u/bluecor
The Magical Arts - this is a totally mundane shop which sells shaved and marked decks of cards, scarves for pulling from your sleeves, salted nuts cans that shoot a confetti burst when opened, squirting lapel flowers, palm buzzers, chewing gum that turns your teeth black, whoopie cushions, and stink spray. The guy working there isn't the owner, but is happy to teach you how to use his goods. While distracting you with a card trick, he will also attempt to shortchange you or pickpocket something (minus 4 to notice his ledgerdemain). If caught, he will only say "check your pocket" and there you will find the item you thought he pickpocketed. "Its all part of the trick, man," he will say, as he pulls a coin from your ear. u/bluecor
The Bee's Knees - honey from different types of flowers with exceptional flavors. Meads of each type are also sold, as well as bee pollen and honey candies. A honey from frostclover will quickly dispell a hangover. Phasebee royal jelly can allow an additional use of misty step for a character with that feature, but the cost is exorbitant. The affogatto with honeycomb, coffee, and ice cream is delicious, and gives the benefits of a short rest when consumed in the shop over the course of an hour. u/bluecor
Wacky Backy - Mr. C. Marin runs this fine tobacconist. House blends of pipe and cigarette tobacco can have classic Gandolf effects: controllable luminous smoke rings of various colors, and custom flavors and scents. The halfling weed is also sold. A self-lighting pipe is available, as well as a "peace pipe," which is a heavy iron pipe useable as a club (but you can also smoke out of it). Mr. Marin can craft custom peace pipes of nearly any light weapon. u/bluecor
Wild Bill's Skins - Bill buys and sells tanned and untanned hides of all types. All. Types. Bill can craft armor and other leather goods from nearly any type of hide. Custom saddles can be made for any beast. A saddle on display is embossed "ride me hard and put me away wet." It isn't for sale, and it looks like it would fit Bill. He can craft a skin-tight custom leather armor that is concealable under clothing, but the customer must go into the back of the shop for a very long and invasive fitting. Rumor has it that some customers never emerge. u/bluecor
Yellow Dancer - This is a musical instrument store run by a purple-haired elf named Lancer who was a freedom fighter in the past. His sister, Yellow Dancer herself, a famous concert performer who is a recognized star, is sometimes there in his place. Instruments of high quality and beginner pieces are sold. On commission, Lancer can craft an instrument which contains a secret sheath for a hidden weapon or wand. Also sold is "the Axe," a battleaxe/guitar combo, with a magical property of sound amplification that allows it to be heard in the largest venue, and allows for unique distortion effects. At DM Option, the Axe can also be used for ranged sonic attacks, mimicking the effects of Eldritch Blast. u/bluecor
The Titty Twister: an adult entertainment venue, mostly for merchants and caravan guards. A goblin barker in a tophat and coattails out front gives a spirited pitch about the feminine wonders to be found within. Inside is a seedy establishment styled to look like an ancient temple. Billiards and darts games line the walls, and a poker game is playing out at a table near the center. Its a rough crowd, and fights that break out are settled with the loser being dragged away by the bouncers and the winner buying a round for the house. Beautiful dancers take turns on stage and mingle with clients between songs. Private shows are available. During the day the massive door is barred and the place is eerily silent, but from dusk til dawn raucous action is there for the taking. Locals stay well clear and pray for protection if they must pass near this den of sin. u/bluecor
The Campus Martius: This strange storefront is a place for games of strategy, including draughts and card games, as well as sandtable war strategy matches involving miniature army figurines, played out with dice and measuring sticks. Arguments over rules are common, and are arbitrated by a robed and wigged judge on a low dias at one end, who often consults an enormous tome of rules which only he is allowed to read from. 1sp per game, per player, but by convention, the loser pays the fees of his opponents. A sweet green drink called mountain brew is popular here. It enhances focus, adding +1 to concentration saves for an hour, but leaves one tired, -1 to all saves for an hour thereafter. u/bluecor
Millenium Sustainable Armory: run by an elvish druid, Millenium sells "murder free" armor made from silk, giant leaves, sustainably harvested ironwood and similar materials. The armor otherwise has the properties of normal light and medium armors, but contains no leather, bone, or metal. Cost is about double. Heavy armor is not available. The leaves making up the armor do not wilt or turn brown. u/bluecor
The Meat Market: run by a shadowy figure in torn robes, this odd shop gives permanent magical effects in exchange for body parts. The more important the organ or body part, the better the effect. The effect goes to whoever the part comes from, so don’t get greedy! Wonder where the parts are going... u/CephaloPawd
Fernado's Fish Frenzy - in a village where magic and fishing collide, you might run into a man who can be at multiple places at a time, Fernado. He is a mystical fisherman who sets up booths in town squares, where the fish fight to the death in gladiator-style combat. The loser, is placed on his selling slab and the victor becomes larger in size. He has a 'leaderboard' that updates magically after every battle, accounting for all of the places Fernado is at in your world. u/BEZERK0xD
A rickety old shop plastered with the title of some famous adventuring party / adventurer on it. The entire shop is run by a near delusional fan of the party/individual, and sells merchandise about them, as well as weirdly specific information that you aren't sure how they know. (If your party is famous enough, the store might be dedicated to them) u/bladeraptor3

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[OC]Bought and Sold. Chapter48, Arc3

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Chapter 48

If there was a word that could describe the Kraltnin race anyone with any true understanding would probably use one specific word without hesitation.
Loyalty.
The Whites were easy to understand. Smaller and less intelligent, they seek the guidance of their betters and serve as well as they can. No matter who those betters were. They would choose a Kraltnin to follow first if possible of course, but to serve a qqearqmaster well would allow a White to find both worth and pride.
For the Blacks, it was perhaps less clear, but one thing was true of the Black Alphas. They served themselves. They acted with a purpose to improve their own lot, to gather wealth and power. Black Kraltnin were certainly loyal as well, if only to themselves.
The Primaries were designed to be loyal to their colours and what those colours represented. Green for the People. Red for the Warriors. Blue for the scholars. Yellow for the Merchants. White for the Healers. Purple for the hidden.
But Greys. They were the hardest puzzle to understand for those who didn’t know the Kraltnin well. They were the independent. The lonely and singular. It was easy to think of Grey Kraltnin as players unimportant to the greater whole, an idea that was absolutely misguided. The first hint was in the tasks they took upon themselves. The Greys filled the middle. They trained and managed, taught and guided to support the health of the greater whole. They worked hard to seek out their own meaning and purpose, to improve the lives of those who could benefit from their knowledge. The confusion was in the fact that no Grey was truly loyal to the clans.
The truth was complex and also difficult. The Grey Kraltnin were the most loyal of them all. That loyalty was for all of their race. Easy enough to say, but the deeper one thought, the harder the problems that arose. No single individual was truly so important as to be served over the race to which they all belonged. With perhaps the exception of the newest forms of Kraltnin, the Primaries who were deemed dangerous and summarily crushed. The Blacks considered their lessers as troublesome. The Whites considered their betters as indispensable. The Greys just couldn’t help but do their best to improve the lot of everyone around them.
This left Clakakark in a rather troublesome spot. Troublesome precisely because he was a typical Grey Kraltnin.
This Grey had been nursing an ongoing headache for the past day. It hadn’t started right away, but once it did start, the headache didn’t stop. The inventory manager had seen the arrival of Red Tail the moment she was offloaded from the shuttle and into Hatherkey’s base. He had seen the missing right hand. And he had personally delivered the purple tinted insult they’d had made to replace the lost limb.
Red Tail was more than just an individual, more than a figure of the dark side of the Peaks.
She was Red.
And now she belonged to Hatherkey.
The headache ratcheted up a notch and Clak’s tail began to coil in response to the pain.
He couldn’t afford to think too deeply about his problem, and he certainly had a problem. He let his mind drift to the earlier task. The Leralin and the Human had been wrestled into their stasis pods and shipped off to the port. They would be leaving soon enough. Meanwhile, Hatherkey was busy trying to convert that strange Human type Hyowean. Clak knew very well how that tightly controlled race had many unique abilities. It made sense that Hatherkey would be obsessed with finding a free agent. But Hatherkey and Wastad’s distraction allowed for an opportunity.
And the few white Kraltnin still in the base were watching Clak with judgemental weight. They absolutely depended on him to make the right decision. But they did not push. They knew as well as he what that decision would mean for him.
Clakakark tapped on the door of one of the other residents of the base. From where Clak stood, he knew there was no way he would notice the scan. Minot Beris of shifting blue was not a friendly Helix normally. But she made exceptions for him. Or at least she had until now, he was hoping that treatment wasn't about to change. The door hissed as it opened up. Clak didn’t hesitate to step through.
The furred and wood covered Mammal turned on her stool to face Clak.
“What are you thinking? Everything is on edge right now.”
“Yes,” Clak replied, “It really is.”
The brown furred Helix with black bark plating frowned at him. She was dressed, wearing the usual blue drape to match the subtly pulsing blue bulb on her forehead. Her symbiote, Beris was nearing season he could see, the petals of the flower beginning to open. A lance of guilt curled his tail further, although it provided a momentary distraction.
“What do you need Clak?”
“A favour, I need a hidden dataspace line to the public network.”
Her head twitched and the blue bulb pulsed. Both halves of Minot Beris were suspicious. “What for?”
Clak’s nictitating membrane dropped partially as the question made him think about what he might do.
Instead, he stepped further into the room to allow the door to shut. “I… I have to call in all my favours. I’ve done many things without asking as you have done much for the Kraltnin here, both of us acting on impulse. But now I must ask for your help just this once.”
Her eyes narrowed and the bulb dimmed ever so slightly. “Just this once?”
“Yes.”
“It’s a big favour isn’t it?”
“Yes, although you’ll not have to worry about another because-” Clak’s head twitched and his protective eye membrane dropped all the way.
“Good enough,” Minot interrupted, “take this line and I’ll help you.” She passed over a connector from her console. Clak stepped up close to accept the cable and plugged it into the port at the base of his skull. They couldn’t hesitate.
The connection was dead for the moment. He waited as Beris went to work.
She had to take her time, at least as much as she could afford. It wasn’t so simple to create a connection outside Hatherkey’s base without being observed, and she didn’t want both of them to die early because she wasn’t careful enough.
Not that such a thing couldn’t still happen.
But it wouldn’t happen like that, not on her watch. Clak was a good person and a good friend. With him there she had done much and learned all about the Kraltnin and his lesser Whites that lived within the base. Whites that had been mostly cleared out over the past couple of days. Almost certainly killed to avoid leaking information. Minot Beris didn’t have much to show for her life anymore, so much had been taken away. Clak had quietly given her companionship and purpose. Companionship they had both needed, the pair of them being early converts under Hatherkey’s powers.
The connection opened. Clak took a moment to get his bearings. He already had his destination in mind. He knew where the focus, the public attention would be, or at least he was pretty sure. It was unlikely to have changed over the last several years after all.
He slowly wormed his way into the base layer of dataspace, arriving at the Kraltnin forums. This was it. The best option was at the very top of the conversations. It was like the whole city was looking.
It was perfect, Clak opened up the conversation.
His body recoiled, then locked with tension, every muscle straining. Mustering all that he could of his own mental faculties, Clak was only able to make four very simple statements.
One was a name. Red Tail.
The second was a place. Hatherkey’s tower
The third a number. Two stasis pods
The last, a countdown.
Having absolutely betrayed Hatherkey, Clak’s slave package imploded on him. He would never know the results of his actions. It would only be a minute or two until his body shut down, its mind completely destroyed.
Minot Beris didn’t fare much better. She hated Hatherkey, hated all that had been done to her. In order to protect the vestiges of their minds, the Root and the Soil separated, Beris falling into unconscious hibernation. Whether or not it lived depended on Hatherkey discovering the corpse of a Kraltnin and the deceased body of a Helix gone into retreat. Truly Minot was as good as dead, the fracturing of her mind meaning she was now only good as fertilizer. Only Beris of shifting blue even had a chance to survive.
It was tough to say whether or not the blue bulb would have the chance.

Otto

The bite of the burger was good. The paddy was hot and greasy and flavourful. The bread was fresh and soft. There was lettuce with a wonderfully crisp crunch. There were tomatoes and Otto found himself perversely pleased to find he still wasn’t a fan. He could taste the seasoning and the whole experience was a step back into another life.
“This… is the fuckin’ best,” Daniel said around his own mouthful.
“Told you he knew his stuff,” Chase explained.
The Filmath was comfortable now, showing all his teeth in a wide smile. Those teeth had an almost serrated appearance, made to chop through tough foods. Otto had seen Jolif laugh with a wide smile, showing the flat molars at the back. With the thick jaw, Jolif’s appearance supported Chase’s explanation of the Filmath holding food as their greatest desire.
That meant they wanted to be good cooks too. The burger in his hands provided the proof of that impression.
Minmint and Tank were enjoying their own burgers, but Otto could see some pink and purples, indicating different toppings for their own meals.
Jolif was comfortable now, but he had been terrified when Otto had answered the Male’s question. “Yes, we know Harley,” Otto had told him. Jolif twitched and recoiled, but Otto wasn’t done, “but that doesn’t mean we are here for you.”
“You… you aren’t?”
“No. Should we be?”
“Nuh- No! Of course not, I haven’t eaten a person ever since!” He hesitated when Otto’s head twisted slightly, processing that particular answer. “I haven’t and won’t! Instead, I’ve tried to be good! I feed people! I’m good at what I do!”
A hand landed on Otto’s shoulder and he turned to look. Chase had grabbed his shoulder. Otto could see Mike and Daniel with twisted expressions as well, but Chase had kept his face neutral.
“He’s not lying,” Chase agreed, “He keeps the poor fed, but perhaps we shouldn’t talk out here.”
Otto looked further to see the patrons of the establishment watching closely. Everyone was silent but for a Grey Kraltnin, his female and a pair of Whites keeping them company.
Otto looked back and Filmath and lifted his right Mote hand. “Finding you here was a surprise, and I believe Chase. Should we talk somewhere else?”
For a moment, Otto had seen the whites of Jolif’s eyes, although in his case those whites were yellow. “Yes, that would be ideal, let us talk in private!”
A quiet murmur followed them out of the room. Jolif led them into a high-end dining room, clearly saved for people of importance. “Now, if you’re here, you must be hungry! And you look like, what was it… North Macans?” There was a slight delay as the translator hiccupped and translated the closest vocal equivalent. “I always forget to be honest. But I bet you’d like some burgers!”
Which led them to now.
Otto picked up some of the fries, made from real potatoes, and happily munched on the tasty, correctly salted side. “Okay, you know your stuff Mr. Jolif.”
“Mr.?” the Filmath tilted his head in surprise. “A form or respect? I thank you.”
“If you don’t mind me askin’,” Mike spoke up, “How do you know Harley?”
He paused for a moment. “Perhaps now is not the best time to get into that story in depth, but I can give you a few details. I was part of a smuggling ring and Queen Harley broke that ring.” Jolif was eating a yellow steak of some kind. He took a bit of the food as he considered what next to say. “I escaped in body, but perhaps not in mind. Terrified of what may happen if she were to find me, or worse, send Rodgers after me, I decided to change my orientation.”
“You started feeding everyone else rather than the worst of your own?”
“You’re very generous to say it that way.”
“We ain’t got room fer’ more enemies right now,” Daniel half-joked.
“So I understand,” Jolif hesitated, “So you are using me as a neutral ground?”
“That’s my fault,” Chase admitted, “You never tossed in with Red Tail, always keeping this place to yourself. I hoped it would be the same with Hatherkey.”
“It is, that’s why I let you all approach me as you did.”
That statement didn’t go over Otto’s head, but while he didn’t let himself react, Tank flinched upon realizing they were in danger entering the restaurant.
“I was on guard I must admit. I’ve noticed the increased Mote activity in the area, although they aren’t actively trying to burrow into my self-made district. Seeing a Mote as a hand did surprise me.”
They ate in silence for a moment. The meal was the best one they’d had in a while, followed closely by the meal served back on Oolseck.
“Are you still facing Hatherkey?” Jolif asked. “The competition is all but over, and while I can shelter you for a time, I will not help you. The people who depend on me are at stake.”
“Hatherkey has some of our own,” Otto replied. “If not for that, I’m not sure we would still be fighting.” Otto looked up at Chase and their eyes met. “We would probably have asked Harley to leave early.”
Chase’s eyes opened wider. He understood what Otto meant.
“But because of how things turned out, we can’t go. That decision has already been made,” Otto sighed as he stared at the mostly eaten burger sitting on his plate. “The problem now is that we don’t know where to go next.”
The sound of someone knocking on the door was so familiar and yet so unexpected, it startled Otto right out of his frame of mind.
Jolif waved his hand and the door opened in response to the unheard signal. A White Kraltnin popped his head through. He twitched slightly as everyone looked. “When you are finished the room has been prepared.”
“Thank you Perapin,” Jolif acknowledged with a nod.
They finished their meal with little more than small talk. Jolif would shelter them while they were there, and was happy to feed the group, but there was no more help to be had here. When they were done their meal, they went to their room.

Kruent

He was almost surprised when the report encouraged a sigh of relief out of him.
Kruent had come to realize he actually liked Chase. The man was an athlete dedicated to his craft and an honest man who appreciated the honesty of others. He hadn’t really started to understand Chase until he allowed the Human permission to run his laps.
And that is all he had done. Chase plotted his route through the base and ran it every day.
He didn’t run in a manner that was exceptionally fast or exciting. There were other faster Sapients, and Chase clearly couldn’t fly… well not truly. Instead, it was deceptive watching him. The man would build up a disgusting layer of moisture over time, but only at the very end of a run did he actually seem tired.
He just ran seemingly forever.
In the process, he earned not the respect, but the awe of everyone who worked there. It was one thing to hear ‘well Humans have a lot of endurance’. It was another to see him keep running long periods of time. And when he was just exercising, he carried weights on his wrists and legs. Not something he was willing to do on the job, but that Chase had such machine-like endurance was frightening.
Learning Chase had disappeared had almost broken Trent and Fedely. That decided Kruent’s first action, Kruent sent a demand for the two of them to join him in the office. He also sent a couple more requests for other individuals who would appreciate knowing.
While he waited, Kruent considered the report. Knowing what he knew now, It was no surprise Chase had disappeared. The man had been spotted by surveillance in the company of that rogue party of troublemakers that had suddenly cursed Hatherkey with their presence. He’d hoped to acquire them to join enforcement, instead, they had liberated Chase.
All things considered, this was probably the least terrible way to lose the Human. That group had given every sign of being free agents who respected the city they operated within. They were still breaking laws, but Kruent could stomach giving them some leeway.
Kruent referenced the ongoing report on Hatherkey. He knew the Silianiscan’s full name now. Hather Key Neron. As per the agreement between The Silianiscan Core and the Veprutasian Co-operation they had submitted a request for information and received a confirmation.
Hather Key Neron was a rogue Adult, off playing his own games. As far as the Core was concerned, the ‘young’ adult was on his own. If Hatherkey couldn’t protect his identity, then he was fair game if found in the wild. That wasn’t to pretend the Silianiscan was an easy target, there was just no reprisal to be had if something were to happen to Hather Key in quiet.
If anything happened to him in recorded public, that might be a different matter. The Silianiscan wouldn’t want this though, Hather Key was at much at risk in this case. If he embarrassed his people he would become a Pariah. And the Superiors didn’t suffer Pariahs.
If Hather Key had been something else, not just a bored Silianiscan, Kruent would have been told to stay out of it. And it would not have mattered how much Kruent disliked the thought of such a thing.
Another thread he was watching updated with a little alert ping. Kruent had placed the Kraltnin forums on his personal watchlist. Just to cover a blindside, he had also removed it from the active search network. Only those who knew it was there would be able to find it and the Kraltnin loyally kept themselves up to date on news their concerned their own. Anyone else would have to be informed by someone in the know. A common dataspace search wouldn’t, or at least shouldn’t, give them the news. Still, most of the recent conversation was just regular civilians wondering or complaining about what was going on.
Although he was seeing the report on Chase’s presence in Jolif’s Market here as well, and only slightly later than the official version. The Kraltnin were watching things closely. But something important had come up. Kruent went to the latest post.
A name Kruent had been looking for, and a location he could inspect. The note about there being two stasis pods and a countdown though… There was another aspect to the situation. It was simple enough to understand, but Kruent didn’t know who could be in trouble.
But this supported the notion that Hatherkey had taken Red Tail. Sifting through Red Tails primary base had yielded plenty of corpses, all dealt with in execution style. But the exceptions had been notable.
The location was a good one, for the Superior. Kruent pulled up the expanded data, inspecting the location. He had looked earlier, then initiated a deeper report from the AI. A hanging tower on the ceiling of the sixth district. At least ten levels and no easy access through the district itself, the building had a direct transport tube connection. The ownership data was also restricted. When the restriction was lifted by his own authority, the name was noted as having ties to a Silianiscan from another troublesome place, the Bet Your Life casino station.
Kruent scratched the flesh around his ear sockets with irritation. Everything he was seeing at this location pointed at trouble if he wanted to go poking. But he did have certain rights to deal with the threat Hatherkey posed to his city. Perhaps.
Kruent began compiling the numbers. The costs incurred. The lives lost. The rules and systems subverted. He waited for a moment as the calculation was done. Moments later he was looking at the final estimate. As the commissioner had expected the Silianiscan had exceeded the threshold. Previous commissioners had retired on the bribes criminals like this had to make to avoid military intervention. And then, because the Veprutasian elite didn't like overbearing manipulation, those criminals would draw the ire of the true Veprutasian rulership. Namely, the truly, disgustingly, rich.
But the actual legitimate reason for the assessment was to unlock the ultimate authority of Kruent's position. With a great enough threat Kruent could reshape the city.
He could purge that tower and kill thousands, many of them innocent friendly fire victims. This was a terrible idea, and he’d probably resign before ever considering it, dropping a whole tower into the city below. The fact that this had happened before didn’t sit well with him.
More interestingly, there were ways to build new avenues of access with little more than a mental whim. He could change large sections of the transportation system according to his needs. He could bring in the construction rigs to pull apart the tower. He could disassemble nearby transport tubes to prevent travel. And of course, he could call down military intervention, but that last one carried additional political risks.
An alert sounded and Kruent checked the door. Trent was the first to arrive. He checked the map to see the rest of the people he had called were only moments away.
He pushed away the reports, letting the damage compilation sort itself out. It had to go through a verification check. When that check was done, it would continue to the ring. The process from here on was automatic.
He would reassure his people first, then deal with Hatherkey.

Kukrit

Normally he would welcome the renewed challenge. Kukrit enjoyed the act of infiltration.
Studying the strengths and weaknesses. Finding the vulnerabilities and slipping in through those openings. Then once he was in, pulling the system apart without notice and putting it back together in a way that suited him.
It was the game that he enjoyed most.
But right now he was in a rush! Digging his way back into the enforcement systems wasn’t something he expected to be stuck on.
He blamed Hather Key.
That rock fisted idiot had alerted Kruent somehow and the Veprutasian had, and still was, taking efforts to reseal the vulnerabilities in his systems. Kukrit still had at least two ways into the AI core that would allow him to find what he wanted, but those methods skirted perilously close to someone being able to find Kukrit’s tracks if they just happened to look in the right direction. Not a thought he liked to entertain. Unlike Hather, no one actually knew Kukrit was here.
Well, there was another way to skirt that problem. At a certain point, physical location really did matter. If he wanted to decoy the AI, then he could do that by accessing the dataspace from somewhere that was associated with someone else. It was simple enough to bounce one's signal across a plethora of nodes to obscure your location. Against flesh and blood opponents that is. It wouldn’t work against a vastly superior AI core, it could track back far too quickly.
If Hather was going to make a nuisance of himself, then Kukrit didn’t feel the slightest hesitation in making his cousin’s life more difficult.
“Umbra,” Kukrit sent to the Gerlen.
There was a momentary delay, of course. He had sent Umbra to collect on an equipment order. “Master Kukrit,” Umbra replied, his voice still terribly ragged, but properly deferential. The Gerlen’s implant was still partially corrupted, but he had fallen back into the normal mode of deference and subservience that all Gerlen were made for. Kukrit had managed to restore the most important security routines. If Umbra tried to harm Kukrit, the result would be instant and fatal
That was one problem with the implant being corrupted, Kukrit couldn’t take the risk. If Umbra attempted harm, there was no warning tweak. He would be knocked unconscious or killed and whichever it happened to be was more up to the Gerlen’s luck. This had been explained, Umbra was not ignorant of the risk.
“What is your progress Umbra?”
“I’ve collected the order, I am on my way back,” the response arrived with a locational ping so Kukrit could see Umbra’s location.
“I see, good,” Kukrit replied, thinking about just where would be best to meet. “Wait at this location, I shall see you soon.”
“Yes, master.”
Umbra would tap into the dataspace from Hather’s tower and delve into the AI core from there. If there was a counterattack, it wouldn’t be Kukrit’s problem! And from there maybe he could find those damn Humans who took his ship!
He still wanted that!
And those Humans, all Humans… Kukrit still didn’t understand quite why they were restricted like that. They could have been added to the greater universe without too much trouble a millenia ago. Instead, the Elder in charge of them went with a stop-gap measure to boost his influence. Having secured his place, he quietly locked up the Humans in a pleasantly distracting way to let them develop.
Kukrit was no idiot, he understood subversion when he saw it. Humans should never have been given unsupervised time and freedom to follow their own path. There was a reason they tended to be such a mess when not strictly controlled, and now he was suffering for it!
Kukrit took a deep breath while collecting some gear, his harness and the cloak he liked to wear when wandering about.
Those Humans were trouble, one couldn’t argue that. His own experience was proving it.
“Is this really what you wanted Elder?” Kukrit mumbled to himself with annoyance, the door hissing shut behind him.

Otto

For the moment they were relaxing. They hadn’t gotten a full night’s sleep when the Motes informed them of Chase’s location, so the group was still semi-recovering.
Daniel and Mike were very much asleep. Off in their room and oblivious to the world. Tank and Minmint were in the living room curled up together in something of a tangle and Otto could hear them whispering back and forth. Their voices weren’t light and playful, however. Their conversation was a heavy one.
Tank had asked for a favour from Otto and it had been… relatively easy to implement. The Implant did keep a regular record of how it was interacting with the body and how the mind of the host acted. The favour came with its risks though. Kraltnin physiology was different from that of a Human after all. But Otto understood Tank’s reasoning and agreed with it.
Matchka needed less sleep normally, her schedule being highly malleable according to just what she had been up to lately. She’d slept like a rock in the temporary hiding spot in the depths of the Gaps, when she did sleep. Right now she was playing with scavenged modules and patched together harnesses. They had stolen some hardened gear from Red Tails base to replace the stuff that had burnt out, but it was bulkier and originally installed on Monos sized harnesses.
And Otto, he worked on another problem. It was a serious problem for sure and might make all the difference in the very near future.
Tik explained the freezing effect of the odd language, but that was only so much help.
Otto couldn’t figure it out.
Just knowing something could happen didn’t always explain how it worked after all. Otto knew there was a language that could be spoken to command functions hidden in the implants. Hatherkey had used that to disable so many residents of Red Tail’s base, and the piles of corpses they’d found provided evidence. Remembering the site caused Otto to mentally lock up for a moment. He had to push the image away.
He’d known for a long time there was something deeper to the implants. There was a foundational language at the depths that Otto didn’t really have the means to understand. He had always been terrible with other languages, and this only reminded him of that problem. Otto had found that underlying language back on Hrossincru, and if he dug far enough in, he found more of it in the Helix and Achun codesetting libraries as components of the packages he used all the time.
The problem was a fundamental one. This language formed the backbone of it all. So it had to be Silianiscan. Which made sense. Otto found more of it in the stuff he had lifted from the Manifestation and SPIRE than he did anywhere else.
“MmmmmMMMM!” Otto whined with annoyance.
“Hard problem?” Matchka asked.
“I don’t know how to decipher the fundamentals,” Otto admitted, “The stuff at the deepest part of the BIPU.”
“Worried, Silianiscan?” Matchka guessed.
“Yeah, the last thing I want is for him to freeze us in place… but I’m not sure where the function is hidden.”
“Spoken word,” Matchka declared.
Otto looked at the Bellani. She looked back at him with her big baby blue eyes. She flicked an ear, subtly pointing at someone else in the room.
Otto glanced at Chase. Somehow, someway, that man had acquired a cell phone and a pair of headphones. Chase hadn’t used them until the group came to a stop. Once Chase was in peace, he’d pulled the things out. With the tunes lulling him to sleep, Chase was now napping on one of those bowl chairs Otto saw all over the place. His expression was relaxed, Chase was clearly happily listening to whatever tunes had been loaded into the stolen device.
“Oh, hmm,” Otto mumbled as he realized what she was getting at. “If we can’t hear him, he can’t speak to the implants.”
Piderby tended to need the least amount of sleep, so he was up and watching whatever information sources he could find. Crawk had actually plugged himself into an outlet and was leaning against the wall, also conked out.
“Hey Piderby,” Otto called softly.
The Gerlen, wearing a pale seafoam suit, with pink socks just visible from the cuffs of his pants, turned his head to look at Otto. “Yes?”
“Do you know where Chase got those headphones?”
Piderby placed his finger on his chest. “Well, of course, I had them made for our friend.”
“Oh, well, that's,” Otto stuttered, momentarily surprised. “Well, can you get more made?”
“Certainly, what is your timeframe?”
There was a knock on the door.
Crawk was the closest. Revealing that he was not actually sleeping, the black furred Ytheon stood up. Unplugging from the wall, he moved over to the door and cracked it open. It was easy to lose track of a person’s natural pitch and tone, but Otto suddenly realized Crawk had a rather high pitched voice when he didn’t receive the normal translation. The voice he was speaking to was relatively high pitched as well.
Crack stepped back and a Grey Kraltin entered the room, facing Tank.
“Have you seen the forums?” The Grey asked, breathless and worried.
Tank untangled his head from where he’d been spending some quality time with Minmint. “The Forums? I am from off planet, if there is something I should be aware of, I welcome the information.”
The Grey closed his eye entirely. “The location of Red Tail is known, someone has left a message for you.”
Tank jumped to his feet, his tail pushing him upwards. Arriving upright with Minmint in his arms, Tanktantun set her down gently before facing the Grey directly. “Where?”
Otto turned to face Piderby, “We’ll need those headphones yesterday.”
“I will see what I can do.”

End Chapter

[5e] Every Session Summary for SKT

A little over a year ago I got a group of friends from work together to play through Storm Kings Thunder. We completed our final session, number 20, this past weekend. We had some players drop in and out but altogether it was a great adventure. Every week I would put a summary of the previous session in a calendar invite, so this is a somewhat edited breakdown of the sessions. Sorry for any spelling mistakes or formatting issues.
Spoilers for Storm Kings Thunder Below, Obviously
Seeking glory and interested in assisting Lady Nandar in her dealings with the elves, the party goes to the town Nightstone to the southeast of Waterdeep. Upon arrival, they discover the town has been abandoned save for goblins who are running amok. The party stealthily moves through the town, slaying the goblins as they look for survivors. They encounter a strange woman who does not appear to be what she seems. After clearing most of the town, the party heads towards the keep to look for any other survivors and see if they can learn what has happened.
1
The party meets a new Paladin party member who was staying in the keep during the recent events, as well as meet the surviving guards of Nightstone who are at each other’s throats. The party learns that the town was attacked by a flying castle that rained down boulders on the town, killing Lady Nandar. They also learn that the giants stole a strange stone that was in the town center before flying away. The townsfolk had fled to the nearby caves to seek shelter during the attack but have not returned, leaving the town empty and an easy target. Staying the night in the keep, the party sees as a group of riders approach the town and is let into the town by the strange woman they had met before. The party decides to say their farewells to the guards and leave the town in secret, with some of the party deciding to talk to the riders. Part of the party then meets Xolkin Alassandar, who introduces himself as the new lord of Nightstone. He offers the party a reward of position if they could get his “subjects” back for him. The party then heads towards the dripping caves.
1
Heading to the dripping caves, the party meets a monk who agrees to help them in their quest to save the villagers. They follow tracks in the forest to the caves and quickly learn that some goblins and their ogre friends have captured the townspeople. Most of the party decide to talk to the goblin leader, Boss Hark, while the monk sneaks around and discovers the townspeople huddled in the caves. The Boss, a cigar smoking goblin, offers them a deal that if they can kill the monster near the spring of the caves that he will let the villagers go. The party agrees and heads into the section of the caves, meeting up with the other party members. They soon encounter and slay the gray ooze of the caves, leaving the party paladins weapon damaged in the process. They then decide that they may be able to sneak the villagers out and work on a plan to get them past the ogre guards. Using a bit of magic and stealth, the party is able to make a path for the villagers to escape, but not without brining Boss Hark and his ogre’s attention. In a pitched fight with the boss, the party is able to slay the goblin, charm the ogres, and claim his horde for themselves. The party has saved the villagers from Boss Hark and his goblin band. The villagers seem intent on returning to their homes despite the Zhentarim takeover of Nightstone.
1
The party feels a cold chill on the breeze and has a flashback to their time in Waterdeep and the holiday celebration they had with the Cassalanter nobles. Enjoying some festive cheer, the festivities are nearly ruined when a prized singer is attacked by an imp. The party performs an investigation where they learn that the Cassalanter children have been influenced towards summoning the foul creatures. They are able to stop the incursion of imps and save the holiday party, scoring them some holiday themed gifts and information on assisting the town of Nightstone as we return to the present.
1
With the villagers returned to Nightstone, the party encounters the elves of Ardeep forest who enlist their assistance in driving a band of Kenku from a sacred tree. With the tree mostly cleared, the party only has a few more of the bird men to slay before claiming their prize from lady Elama and continuing their adventure.
1
After receiving hefty rewards from their adventures in the Ardeep forest and a shopping trip/repairs in the city of Waterdeep, the adventurers head northeast towards the town of Goldenfields to deliver a message to one of the slain villagers family members. However, the party soon finds themselves caught between a friendly cloud giant and a band of heavily armored dwarves. How will are party handle being caught between a giant and a hard place? What is Legolas going to do outside with a silver dragon flying around? We will find out in this session of Storm Kings Thunder.
1
Last session, our party was successfully able to defuse the situation between the giant Zephyros and the dwarven shock team. They learn that the Lords Alliance is moving to respond to the giant threat, with this group of dwarves being sent by Queen Dagnabbit of Mithril Hall. The party then arrived at Goldenfields, where they delivered news to Miros of the death of his parents in Nightstone. The party is given room and board at the Goldenfields Inn, ran by a hairy man known as “the Yeti”. They were not able to rest long however, as the town soon came under assault by an army of monsters led by Hill Giants. With the help of some friendly NPCs, the party was able to repel the attack. The battle of Goldenfields is not without casualties however, and the sorceress Naxene was slain by the Hill Giant assault. With some new friends and a promise of a reward from the Abbot of Goldenfields, where will our party go from here?
1
Last session, the party headed to the River Dessarin where they had credit on a casino river boat named the Grand Dame for their service in Goldenfields. As they rode towards the ship, they receive a letter attached to a flying snake from Xolkin Alassandar, one of the Zhentarim who has now titled himself Baron of Nightstone. Arriving at the boat, the party discovers that they are docked here for a wedding and will soon head back north to the town of Yartar. After securing passage north and gambling on the ship, one of the wedding members comes in dressed in tatters and speaking of fiends that came out of the air and attacked. The party runs to the rescue, first encountering a vicious wind weasel who kills Bryn’s owl. The party then comes upon the wedding party being played with by a wind demon and a devilish harp. The party successfully slays the fiends, but the devil harps final trick is played as one of the unconscious wedding party was booby trapped, killing several of the wedding goers as he was stood up. Returning to the boat, the party has four days of respite as the boat travels the 200 miles to Yartar. Going west, the party arrives in Triboar where they deliver the last of the Nightstone death notices. Buying Bryn a new owl, the party stays in the fancy inn of Triboar.
1
Last session, the party took a quest from the Lord Protector of Triboar, Darathra Shendrel, to hunt down a pair of stone giants that had attacked the town. Traveling towards the edge of the Sword Mountains southwest of Triboar, the party encountered two tribes of goblins having a dance off for dominance of the area, judged by the local hag Granny Pestilence. Continuing on, the party was able to locate the abandoned mine that the giants had turned into their home. Going down into the old dwarven mine, the party encountered a displacer beast, which the party dispatched using a slew of oil they had purchased in Triboar, taking its pelt as a trophy. The party then had a tough fight with the pair of stone giants in their new home, but were able to overcome them and take their heads and their Orb of the Stein Rune. The party then further explored the mine, locating a sunken tunnel that held a horde of gold ore as well as a passage to the Underdark. Returning to Triboar, the party exchanged the giant’s heads for a pair of enchanted daggers. They also learn of a previous adventurer who carried a Giant Slayer Greatsword who has now settled down near the city of Silverymoon. Seeking out powerful spell-casters to enchant a cloak of displacement, as well as looking to procure other magical services, the party heads east.
1
Returning to the town of Yartar to have their magic items identified and for information on crafting a cloak of displacement, the party discovered that a strange sickness was affecting some of the citizens of the town who had purchased potions from the local alchemist’s guild. Tasked with the local wizard with discovering the source of the sickness, the party found things amiss at the alchemist’s guildhall, with the guild members all appearing to be under a strange trance. After exploring the guildhall and assisting the guilds maid, the party headed to the workshop that was built over the River Dessarin. The first attempt to enter the building was repelled by a pair of water elemental guards. But after a small retreat and regrouping, the party successfully entered the workshop where they discovered the guild members working in a zombie like stupor under the enchantments of a Rusalka and her troll guard. After a pitched fight including several thrown potions creating wild effects, the monsters were slain and the Rusalka’s enchantment was broken. The party was rewarded a powerful potion for freeing the guild, as well as invited to be teleported to Moongleam Tower in Everlund where they can have their cloak crafted as well as potentially gain access to the teleportation circle network of the Sword Coast.
1
After being teleported to Moongleam Tower in Everlund, the party met Krowen Valharrow, a powerful wizard aligned with a group called the Harpers. After being pressed into Harper service, Krowen gave the party access to their teleportation network as well as agreed to assist in creating a cloak of displacement for the party. On leaving the tower to explore the town, the party heard a horrified scream and on investigating discovered a dead man whose insides were turned to gemstone. They also met Thanatos, a monk who happened to be in the area and who joined the party after they were all arrested and questioned by the town guard. Deciding to investigate, and with the promise of a 1000 gold reward for stopping the murders, the party split up to research the bodies and look into any witnesses and clues. They discover that the body’s internal organs were all turned to kyanite, a gem known for its ability to store energy, and also find clues to a fiendish ritual at the murder site. They eventually track the culprit to one of the gem cutter workshop in town, where Jelfi the gnome had made a pact with a gilded devil for extreme skill in the gem cutting trade. After capturing the gnome and slaying the fiends, the party turned in their evidence and prisoner for their reward.
1
The party’s skills in investigation and battle being proven, the Harpers give the party a new mission of subterfuge to test their abilities. Given a truth serum and tickets for a play in Silverymoon, the party is tasked with learning who the leaders of the Zhentarim in Waterdeep are from a visiting couple of nobles, Lord Orond and Lady Yalah Gralhund. Arriving in Silverymoon, the party rents out a room near the theatre and proceed to Silverymoon palace. Utilizing Eldermon’s noble background, the party is able to infiltrate the palace, albeit with some provisos to their stay. After befriending some of the staff and learning more about their targets, the party puts a plan in motion that gets them the required information, albeit a bit messily. After making a hasty escape from the palace, the party regroups at their rented room, scalp the tickets to the play for some quick cash, and head to their next destination, Zymorven Hall and the Giantslayer Greatsword. After a couple of days on the road, the party arrives at Zymorven hall to find the place destroyed, with obvious signs of battle with monsters. The Giantslayer Greatsword is missing and mysteriously some large object had been excavated and dragged out of the keep. Following the drag marks north until nightfall, the party catches up with a Fire Giant and the remnants of his monster army. They were dragging a huge adamantine gear back to a Duke Zalto, stating that it was part of an ancient construct called the Vonindod. The Giantslayer Greatsword was being wielded by a hobgoblin servant of the giant. Fighting these monstrous foes, the battle was interrupted by a Frost Giant who arrived at the scene. Backing up to regroup and watch, the new frost giant assisted the party in killing the monsters. After the battle, the frost giant introduced himself as Harshnag. Harshnag stated that he is on a quest to discover why the ordning was shattered and to put an end to the giant threat by speaking with the giant god Annam at a place called the Eye of the Allfather. He states that if the party would like to help he would appreciate the company in his travels before they all settle down for a long rest.
1
With their new frost giant companion, Harshnag, the party set off to talk to the giant god Annam and find a way to stop the giants rampaging across the Sword Coast. Harshnag told the party that they needed to travel to the Eye of the All Father, which lies high in the mountains called the Spine of the World, and that they would need warm clothes and a worthy sacrifice to the giant god. The party then headed back to Silverymoon, where warm clothes were bought and Eldermon was questioned about his sudden disappearance by the High Marshall of Silverymoon. Turning north, the party encountered a blind woman being led by a medusa as well as some bounty hunters which the party did not assist. Arriving at One Stone, the party found the giant relic they were searching for in a large rune inscribed boulder that was being used as a religious totem by the Sky Pony tribe. Using some stealth and magic, the party stole away with the stone, but awakened a Bulette who battled the Sky Pony tribe while the party escaped farther north. A few days later they arrived at Beorunna’s Well, a large underground cave with a sinkhole entrance, and home to the Black Lion tribe. This tribe was more hospitable than the Sky Pony tribe, offering them a chance to prove themselves to their god Uthgardt by killing a Manticore. After slaying the beast, the party was allowed to approach the shrine to Beorunna and there the party excavated a chamber under the shrine which held an ogre skeleton and a large mammoth tusk engraved with images of giants fighting dragons. The party brought the tusk out and with the help of Harshnag rode it to the surface. The party then turned west towards Mithral Hall. There the party stocked up on supplies for their journey into the mountains, as well as spoke with queen Dagnabbet about the Fire Giant threat. The party was promised a group of dwarf veterans to assist them if they discover the location of Ironslag, where the fire giants are constructing a war engine called Vonindod. After stocking up on rations, the party headed north, stopping by the Great Worm Cavern to pick up a 3rd giant relic, a broken shield made from a dragons scale. Their journey now bring them to the entrance to the Eye of the All Father, but what awaits them in the dark of this giant sized temple?
1
Reuniting with their monk companion in the Spine of the World Mountains, the party reached the Eye of the All Father. Heading into the frozen temple to the giant god Annam, the party encountered the Great Worm Clan of barbarians attempting to gain entry. After a heated battle with the tribe, the party took a rest outside of the frozen doors of the temple. With Harshnag opening the doors, the party entered the main temple, where they found statues of the giant gods offering their weapons to Annam in front of a glowing archway surrounded by giant runes, however the Frost Giant Statues weapon was missing. After some experimentation and setting off a trap, the party decided that they needed to find the missing weapon to complete the puzzle. They first headed into the giant living quarters. Finding little in the rooms but a spider tunnel that they opted not to explore and a potential trap in the hallway blocking their progress to the final rooms. Using the bag of tricks to summon a weasel, the trap was triggered, sealing the doors and causing a giants stone ball to roll towards them. They were able to dodge the trap and finish exploring the rooms, eventually finding a Shard of the Ise Rune. The party then headed towards the other end of the temple, where they found the giant dining hall. Across the room they spotted the missing weapon, but lurking in the room was a Remorhaz. Using Pass Without a Trace on Harshnag, he was able to sneak past the beast and return the missing weapon unnoticed. Placing the axe upon the ise rune on the archway created a thundercloud tunnel leading deeper into the mountain. Inside they found a dead giant in the middle of the floor. Touching the body awoke his ghost, who informed them that he was murdered by his father when they came to talk to Annam and that they would need to clear the floor of ice and place their offerings to Annam in the center of the room to speak with the All Father. The party looted an Opal of the Ild Rune from his body and Harshnag took his armor. After clearing the ice and putting in their offerings, the party was able to discover that the reason the ordning was broken was that a dragon named Iymrith has infiltrated the court of King Hekaton, this going unnoticed by the complacent giants. If the party wishes to stop the giant rampage, they must go to the court of King Hekaton and root out the dragon infiltrator. To do this, they will first need to obtain a Conch of Teleportation from one of the giant lords. With their three offerings, the party was given three options of who to go after: Chief Guh of the Hill Giants, Countess Sansuri of the Cloud Giants, and Duke Zalto of the Fire Giants. The party opted to go after Countess Sansuri and were told her flying castle would be found floating above the Evermoors. With their path before them, the party left the room back through the cloud tunnel. As they crossed the room towards the exit past the statues of giant gods, the party saw as Iymrith entered the room. The dragon called The Doom of the Desert charged across the room and Harshnag jumped forward to give her battle, yelling for the others to flee. Casting a fog cloud to try to help and running out of the room, they heard the echoing strikes of the massive creatures change to the crash of stones as the massive temple collapsed. With Harshnag lost to them, the party must now decide their next course of action.
1
Escaping the Eye of the All Father temple, the party came down from the Spine of the World Mountains without Harshnag, who was seemingly killed by Iymrith, the Doom of the Dessert. Returning to Mithral Hall after an encounter with some fey displacer beast hunters, the party stocked up on supplies and did some shopping. After giving the bad news of Harshnag to Queen Dagnabbit, the party told her that they needed some means to reach the flying castle of Countess Sansuri. She told them that she was aware of a flying ship the party could use for such a task, but she would expect payment in the form of an elven treasury that her scouts had discovered from the time of the War of Many Arrows. The party accepted the task, and with a dwarf by the name of Deepdelver, they headed to the tower of Solanna Bael. Inside this elven tower, the party was asked a series of questions and challenges that scored them some powerful elven relics from a time of war, as well as access to the treasury in the tower. Heading back with treasure in tow, the party encountered a living campfire that allowed them to have a peaceful rest in exchange for a story. After the treasure was turned in, the party was given their airship and shown how to fly it and were also given the option of hiring a crew to man the ship in their stead.
1
In this once shot adventure, a group of dwarves in the Spine of the World Mountains are working hard at the Everforge Mining Company. This ideal dwarven life is interrupted however when a group of humans and kobolds raid the mining camp, kidnapping the matron Everforge. The party follows their trail to the ancient ruins of the dwarven forge in the mountains and using their stone cunning are able to navigate the ancient camp. They discover a young fire dragon and its worshippers intend to open up a gate to the plane of fire in the ancient forge. After a tough fight, the dragon is slain and the portal is successfully closed. As the matron celebrates her rescue in true dwarfish fashion back at the camp, a dwarfish scouting party returns to the camp with a strange giant they had discovered buried in the mountains.
1
Stocking up on supplies and climbing aboard their new airship, the party scoured the Evermoors in search for the cloud giant castle of Countess Sansuri. After a few hours of flying, the party spotted the flying fortress and heard terrible roaring coming from the stronghold. Deciding on a diplomatic approach, the airship approached openly and asked for an audience with the countess, which was granted by the cloud giant castellan and her aarakocra minions. Setting up a signal to take off without them with Thanatos just in case, the party headed inside and were taken to the heart of the castle where they met with the Cloud Giant Countess. There the party tried to convince the masked giant that she should let them use her Conch of Teleportation to help King Hekaton. The party quickly learned that the countess is no friend to the Storm Giant King and that she intends to replace him as lord of the giants in a newly established ordning once she uncovers the location of a hoard of magic from her dragon prisoner. Piquing the party’s interest, they convince the countess to let them try to pry the information from the dragon. Countess Sansuri then led the party to the castles dungeon where they met Felgolos, an adult bronze dragon, who was muzzled and chained to a wall. After a bit of questioning, the dragon tells them that he does not know where this treasure that the countess is looking for is and that he only wants to be free. The party convinces the countess that perhaps she is making him nervous and she decides to leave, bringing in her castellan to supervise. With a failed attempt to use Tasha’s Hideous Laughter, a fight in the dungeon began with part of the party attempting to free the dragon while the other tried to bring down the Castellan before he could warn the other cloud giants. The results was the castellan dead, a wounded but free Felgolos, and a slightly beaten up party (Legolas now has an impressive scar from nearly being killed by the cloud giant castellan’s spear). The party rings the bell of silent carols, signaling Thanatos to take off with the airship, then free a group of caged gryphons to add to the chaos. Climbing aboard their new dragon friend, the party took to the sky and flew to the highest tower, where they knew the countess was keeping her Conch of Teleportation. Dropping the party off, Felgolos engaged the aarakocra guards while the party headed inside the tallest tower. Inside, they found the countess’ mask collection as well as a pair of invisible stalkers that were set up as sentries. Engaging in a confusing fight with the invisible enemies, the party slays one and causes another to flee while they head to the highest peak. Inside the tallest room they find the countess’ bedroom, complete with a stuffed Pegasus mobile above the bed. In the headboard of the bed the party was able to find a small empty chest, only a few inches wide. By the time this is found however, the living invisible stalker had returned and continued its assault on the party. Felgolos ripped off the roof of the tower and reached down, allowing the party to escape to the skies from their unseen enemy. As Felgolos soared away, they were able to spot the airship coming down near a hillock a few miles away. As they turned in that direction to make their escape, one of the cloud giants makes a successful ballista hit on the dragon, and the party crashes with their dragon friend into the Evermoors.
1
Landing in the Evermoors, Thanatos turned the airship to pick up his wounded companions while Countess Sansuri and her brother Thullen gave chase. The two forces clashed with the party in the middle, but the party proved the stronger and knocked Thullen unconscious. Using the brother as leverage, the party convinced the countess to call upon her magical chest in exchange for his life. Tying the chest to the airship, the party fled the area and the countess returned to her castle to lick her wounds. Having saved the bronze dragon Felgalos, the party went to the Starmetal Hills where the dragon laired, and were able to pick up a magic item each for having saved the tortured dragon. Leaving him to recuperate in his cave, the party headed to Longsaddle where they believed they could offload their recently acquired treasure as well as repair their airship, which had been damaged in the fight with the giants. After landing, the party met Elvira Harpell, a member of the eccentric Harpell family of wizards who live in Longsaddle. After trying to climb aboard their airship, Elvira tells the party about her studies and about some of the mishaps in magic that her family has been responsible for, including the creation of a new lake in Longsaddle from a spell gone awry. Satisfied with having inspected the workings of the airship, she returned to the Harpell home. After conscripting a leather worker to repair their airship balloon, the party went to the Harpell home to have their magic items identified and to sell their horde of treasure. Afterwards they were given a tour of the home and met a strange Drow named Drizzt Do’Urden, a ranger of some renown. Needing to stay the night for their balloon repair, the party then went to the Failing Student Inn, where they purchased some drinks and met another Harpell who was experimenting with the polymorph spell. Purchasing a pair of the furry Harpell’s personal cocktail, Thanatos was transformed temporarily into a woman by the strange but tasty concoction. Bringing the airship crew members some tasty food and drink from the town, a night of merriment was had with the gender bending concoction. When the morning came, the balloon was repaired and the airship was ready to move. Now the party must decide, with the conch of teleportation they have direct access to the court of King Hekaton, but do they want to take care of any loose threads before going to root out the evil dragon Iymrith?
1
Taking their newly acquired treasure to the city of Neverwinter, the party bargained with Captain Xendros of the Succubus for some new magic items and potions for their upcoming fight. The party then explored the city, discovering the Winged Wyvern Bridge, the Harper controlled Plucked String Tavern, as well as were introduced to the Order of the Gauntlet. Learning that the Order was seeking rewards for giant heads, the party turned in a fire giant head and saw that the Order is keeping a leader board for giant bounties. Deciding to go out on a giant hunt, the party takes to the skies and meets the current board leader, Gauthrak, as well as the Blue Claw barbarians. The party also discovers that the local stone giants are coming from a place called the Dreadstone Cleft. Opting not to take on the Stone Giants on their home turf, the party sets up an ambush to the south. This leads to a pitched fight on the ground and air when a war party of 5 stone giants happens upon the party. Bruised but successful in their hunt, the party returns to Neverwinter to have their airship repaired from the battering of thrown stones.
1
Gathering around and blowing into the Conch of Teleportation, the party is teleported to the storm giant fortress known as Maelstrom. The party snuck around the fortress, learning that the fortress is underwater and situated around a giant maelstrom. They see that two storm giants are entertaining giant royalty in the main hall using a musical crab. They also learn that the dragon that they were had come to root out has taken the form of a storm giant and is advising a young storm giant named Serissa . Making their way to the throne room, the party is finally spotted by the giants gathered in the main hall. The two storm giants identify themselves as daughters of King Hekaton. They tell the party that Queen Neri, their mother, had been murdered by "small folk" and that their father is missing after leaving to search for the culprits. King Hekaton left instructions that his youngest daughter, Serissa, should take over the throne in his absence, passing up the older sisters. The party makes a case that they urgently must speak with Serissa, but the sisters say that it will be several days for such an appointment, but that they can stay as their guests while they wait. The party then spends a few hours in the human sized guest rooms of the storm giants, after which one of the giant sisters comes to retrieve the party saying that their meeting has been approved. The storm giant sister had no intention of bringing the party to her sister, however, and had an ambush setup for the party with the giant nobles from earlier. The nobles seemed hesitant to strike out at the party, giving the group a chance to make their case that they shouldn't fight. Telling the giants that they had spoken to the All Father and that a dragon had infiltrated their court and was behind what is happening was enough for the giants to sheath their weapons and let the party make their case to Serissa. Going to the throne room past a pair of hill giant guards, the party found Uthor (King Hekaton's brother) and Iymrith in giant form advising the young storm giant. The party brought their news that a dragon had infiltrated the court, while Iymrith stated that the party was behind the murder of the queen and the abduction of King Hekaton. The party caught on that Iymrith had overstepped and revealed that she knew what had happened to the king. As they were about to expose and convince the storm giants to turn on her, Iymrith grabbed the Korolnor Sceptor that Serissa was using to control the Wyrmskull Throne. With the Scepter taken, the throne lashed out at Serissa, paralyzing her. Knowing that fighting the storm giants and the party on their home turf would be foolhardy, Iymrith then teleported away with her new treasure. Uthor revealed to the party that they had to find King Hekaton, but that they only had one clue to what happened to him. At the place where Queen Neri was murdered, they had found a strange coin, a wooden coin painted gold with the image of a goose carved into it. Eldermon immediately recognized it as a gambling chip that was used on the Grand Dame Casino ship that the party had sailed on up the Dessarin River. After Uthor revealed the clue to the party, the two sisters of Serissa came in and took their places on the thrones in the room, seemingly unaffected by the fate of their sister. Uthor makes a case to release the party back to the sword coast, which the sisters relent and allow.
1
Returning to the Sword Coast by means of a teleportation spell, the party finds themselves by the Alchemists Guildhall in Yartar, the last known location of the Grand Dame. They find the casino ship is still docked in the river harbor of the town, and has also picked up some new security as several brawls have broken out on the ship. The guards confiscate the party’s weapons and allow them aboard, where they find some familiar faces drinking and gambling in the casino, their old friends "the yeti" and Oren Yogilvy of Goldenfields. Having some drinks and gambling on the ship, the party eventually talk to Lord Drylund and learn that he is a member of a secret organization that he means for the party to join. Meanwhile, Ren also talks to Lord Drylund and becomes employed by the Grand Dame as a wine server. Setting up to be initiated into this organization at night fall, the party uses Ren's employment and the distraction of an arm wrestling match with the guards to sneak their weapons on board using a bag of holding. Spending the rest of their day gambling and enjoying themselves, the time eventually comes to meet with Lord Drylund. He informs the party that he is a member of a group called the Kraken Society and that their boss sends them orders, including the orders that led to the death of Queen Neri. He then has Eldermon bow down in front of the aquarium with his pet octopus in it. In the reflection of the aquarium, Eldermon is able to see the image of a powerful Kraken named Slarkrethel who dominates the noble elf to his will, tying the minds of the elf and the kraken together. Legolas is next to bow in front of the tank, but unlike Eldermon he refuses to submit and the Kraken calls for his death. A short battle later sees the pet octopus dead and Lord Drylund captured and panicked. Lord Drylund tells the party that the kraken is in his head and will kill him for failing the monster. Before he is killed, Lord Drylund tells the party that King Hekaton is being held on a ship named the Morkoth that is sailing in circles around a group of islands called the Purple Rocks in the Trackless Sea. Lord Drylund is then killed remotely by his master. Worried about what will happen to Eldermon, the party goes to the Harpers where it is explained that Eldermon and the Kraken are psychically linked, and while they can sever the connection it would potentially go both ways and allow the party to gain insight on the kraken. Eldermon decides to keep the Kraken connection, trapping him in its tentacles for now.
Boarding their flying ship, the party takes a few days searching the trackless sea and eventually spot the Morkoth, a ship in the shape of a giant squid that has the Storm King chained to its deck. Opting to attack at range, a ballista battle takes place which nearly pops the balloon of the air ship, but with the opposing ships ballista disabled the party makes quick work of the crew members. Unchaining King Hekaton, the party informs him of what has happened and how Iymrith had betrayed him. He teleports the party back to Maelstrom using his Conch of Teleportation, rewards the party with Potions of Giant Size, and begins to bolster his honor guard for a confrontation with the ancient blue dragon. Now, the stage is set for a final showdown with the blue dragon Iymrith in her desert home. Will the party slay the dragon and bring glory back to the Storm King, restructuring the ordning and bringing peace, or will the party be slain in battle, leading to the reign of Iymrith as she claims the Wyrmskull Throne for herself? We will find out in this final session of Storm King's Thunder.
1
In the final session of Storm Kings Thunder, the party retrieves their airship and learn that Harshnag had survived his battle with the blue dragon, being rescued from starvation by a mining company of dwarves. With final preparations made and final supplies gathered, the party meets the Storm King and his honor guard at the edge of the desert. With the ranger doing some scouting, the party discovers that 30 animated statues guard the dragon’s lair, as well as a pair of trebuchets. They also learn that some serpentine beings also appear to be living in the lair as well. The party then sets up a plan to stealthily take out one of the trebuchets, which will signal for the giants and airship to attack. With a less than stealthy approach, the party has a rough time with the statue guards but do finally manage to light one of the trebuchets on fire. With the signal given, the giants and airship begin to battle the remaining statues, leaving the party free to explore the tunnels below. Sneaking up on some snake men performing a ritual, the party sees a sacrifice and hear a prophecy in abyssal that they cannot understand. After the snake men leave, Eldermon approaches the sacrificial pit and discovers that there is nothing but spikes and bodies at the bottom. This does not go unnoticed by the Blue Dragon, however, and she suggests that he jumps in and sacrifice himself to the Night Serpent over being eaten by her. Seeing that the jig was up, Legolas drinks his potion of giant size and charges the giant, starting the final battle. Iymrith would not prove an easy opponent, as she burrowed under the party and used ambush tactics with her powerful lightning breath to keep the party guessing. Eventually the party was able to wear her down and slay Iymrith, surrounded by her giant sized foes. We then cut to the epilogue, the party is given a share of the treasure uncovered in the blue dragon’s lair and the Storm King once again takes his throne. Hekaton works to broker peace between the giants and the smaller peoples of the Sword Coast, under his leadership giant attacks lessen and the ordning is reestablished as it was before. The party uses the hide of Iymrith to reinforce their airship and then settle down for a rest after their harrowing adventure.
Edit: Formatting is hard.

Rumnchess's Guide to Live Poker. A.K.A Alex Livingston Main Event FT 2019

This is taken from his guide on the forum. Highly recommend for anyone who's new to live/casino poker. He and the other 2 players at this year Main Event Final Table are the ambassador that we need to make poker fun again.

I'm crossposting this from the HUNL forum, but I wrote a brief summary of live poker; some of you may find it interesting and/or (in)accurate.
Rumnchess's Guide to Live Poker
TABLE OF CONTENTS
PART VIII - IntroductionPART XI - Attitude & EtiquettePART XIII - General StrategyPART XV - Bankroll Guidelines (an extremely short section)PART XVII - Player Profiles (quite long by contrast)PART XXIII - Conclusion
PART VIII: Introduction
Live poker is my bread and butter. It has been one of my favorite pasttimes for the last five years of my life, and will always remain so. Along with golf, fine dining, and women, live poker constitutes one of the four core pillars of my life. Over the past few months, I have experienced a period of extraordinarily erratic, and for the most part tumultuous, results in online poker. The advent of heads up superturbos has been particularly disruptive to my confidence, state of mind, and bankroll. Nonetheless, my live results have remained consistently good. I consider live poker my best form of poker, not only relative to the respective fields, but in absolute level of skill. Perhaps just as important as my results, I love everything that live poker has to offer: easily attainable food and beverages, chip shuffling tricks, and an incredibly social and lively atmosphere. Through live poker I have attained an internship with a day trading firm in New York, and free business class flights for the next year. The opportunities for conversation and networking are plentiful, and the live poker world encompasses a fascinating crossection of society. Rarely do such a diverse group of individuals come together. Everyone from min-buying truck drivers to lawyers to wealthy Middle East businessmen can be found at the poker table. To my knowledge, the plethora of people you meet in a cardroom have only one thing in common: they are all notoriously poor players.
PART XI: Attitude & Etiquette
It is extremely important to approach a casino poker game with the correct attitude. Often I see online players who are new to live cardrooms walk into a game with an attitude that is not only harmful to themselves, but to the overall quality of the game. Berating poor card players is not only disrespectful, but is extremely harmful to your bottom line. It is imperative to treat your opponents with respect, and in particular, you should often make an effort to befriend the poor players. Of course if a guy at the table is acting like a complete *******, I will make no effort to be friendly towards him, but at the same time, I will typically avoid being rude towards him, unless absolutely necessary. It is important, however, to make a distinction between your conduct as a person and your conduct as a competitor.
Conduct as a person: Your conduct as a person is the way you act in conversation, your demeanor towards others, and also the way you respect the ettiqute of the game. If I see somebody slow roll another player or try to angleshoot, in my eyes this speaks towards their character as a person, and not their character as a card player or a competitor. There are some exceptions: sometimes a guy who is clearly a novice will take a long time to roll his hand on the river, or make a string bet. Here he is just inexperienced and unfamiliar with the code of the game. It should be fairly obvious to you who is simply new to the sport, and who is deliberately trying to take advantage of their opponents by use of non-poker tactics.
Conduct as a competitor: While I am extremely friendly to my opponents in conversation, etc., I am a ruthless beast as a poker player. If I think a guy wants to avoid playing big pots, I will relentlessly three-bet him in position. Sometimes I will reraise him on each of his first three opens while we are both at the table. This often frustrates and even angers your opponents, but its completely within the ettiquette of the game, and says nothing about your character as a person. Ideally, I want my opponents to like me as a person, but fear me, or dislike me as a card player.
Etiquette:

If the dealer asks you to go to the cage to buy your chips, comply. Every card room has a different process (and in most you can buy chips right at the table), and the last thing you want to do is get off to a bad start with the dealer. Bad karma.2. If a dealer makes a ruling that you disagree with in a hand that you are involved in, do not be silent. Ask to speak to a supervisor, and explain your case clearly and concisely. Be as polite as possible, but be firm.3. Always make your big chips visible. Nothing irks me more than when I think a guy has a $500 stack and he is hiding a tower of black chips behind his red chips.4. String betting is not allowed in any casino I’ve been to. Either announce the amount of your bet or raise, or make sure you bet in one clear motion.5. Tip the dealers when you win a pot of any decent size. My rule of thumb would be that a tip is not necessary for a pot of $40 or less, but for anything beyond that $1 will suffice. I typically tip $2 when I win a pot of $400 or more, and $5 when I win a really huge pot.6. Tip the cocktail waitress $1 when you get a drink.

PART XIII: General Strategy
Before I get into specific player types, I’ll list of general adjustments to make when transitioning from internet poker to the live arena.

Raise bigger preflop. You can get away with raising to 5x or 6x (sometimes even more, depending on the table), because people will call you with the same or greater frequency that they would call a 3x raise online.2. 3bet less frequently. Your edge on the table should be so big that you want to play large pots with deep stack to pot ratios. You also typically want to keep the bigger fish in the pot. Obviously if you are playing at a table of loose fish who will call very wide, it is okay to three bet a reasonably wide value range, but generally, I try to avoid 3betting trash, except against the nitty guys who want to avoid playing big pots.3. Overbet more often. Live players are notoriously unaware of the size of the pot, and of the correct sizings of bets in relation to the size of the pot. A player will typically think more about the actual dollar amount you’re betting than the amount relative to the pot. You will often see opponents make absurd bets like $50 into a $500 pot. As a good player, born and bred on the internet, you should be able to control the size of the pot and determine the correct betting amount in a given situation. Do not be afraid to bet $600 into $400 if you have a big hand, believe your opponent to be reasonably strong, and perceive him as the type who doesn’t care too much about money.4. Play suited junk. As heads up players, most of you should feel in your element here. I advocate playing hands like K4s and Q7s in a live game, particularly if the pots are multi-way. Stacks tend to be deeper in a live game, so your implied odds are greater. Most pots in a live game will be multiway, with poor players who allow you to dictate the size of the pot post flop. Flushes and straights are like jackpots in a live game.

Part XV: Bankroll Guidelines:
I tend to not worry too much about my bankroll because I consider my winrate to be extremely high in these games, and am just a general degenerate. But in general, you need far fewer buy ins to be properly rolled for a live game than you would online. I like to buy into a live game for 200 bbs, and I think that having a roll of 10 such buy ins would be plenty. Keep in mind you are only one tabling, and seeing far fewer hands. Not only that but your winrate per hand should be at least triple what it would be online. $10,000 should be plenty to play 2/5 live.
PART XVII: Player Profiles
It would be extremely time consuming to identify and describe each of the many different player types you will encounter at the poker tables. Therefore, I have chosen five different player profiles that I believe will provide a solid framework for the type of creatures we are dealing with. In parentheses, I’ll indicate that player’s corresponding play style.
The Businessman’s Son (LAG)
Description: Usually Lebanese or Middle Eastern (though they can be Greek, or from other parts of the world), the businessman’s son is a party animal with a seemingly limitless budget. Typically single, under the age of thirty, and comes with an air of sheer and utter lack of responsibility.
Plumage: Designer shirts, designer jeans, expensive jewelry, crocodile shoes.
Poker Style / How to Adjust: The BMS is not afraid to put money in the pot. He comes to play, and he doesn’t like folding. Not only that, but he is almost always accompanied by a couple of cronies, and is sure to try to impress them by showing bluffs, scooping large pots, and being the center of action and attention. As such, the BMS is extremely loose both preflop and post flop, and will often employ tactics such as large unnecessary overbets, merely designed to display his true indifference to money.
3bet a reasonably wide value range vs. this player, but never 3bet as a bluff. Don’t worry if your image is rock tight, you will still get action when you 3bet AA vs. this player. BMS’s have a fold to 3bet of about 1.8%, a decision they usually only make when they are receiving an important phone call on their blackberry. If you have a strong hand, and perceive the BMS to be weak, it can often be correct to trap this player. Even a BMS will sometimes throw away their total air to a flop check/raise, but they will rarely slow down if you check/call. While you will get action from the BMS regardless, it can be helpful to build up a slightly looser image, perhaps even attacking them early, as they will develop a need to personally show you up in the future. It is considered advantageous to show a BMS a bluff for this reason.
Old Man Coffee (TP)
Description: If you never play poker between the hours of 7AM and 8PM, don’t bother looking for old man coffee; he’s at his home, likely sleeping. Usually between the ages of 55 and 90, old man coffee shows up to his local poker game on a strict routine. Some OMC’s are daily grinders, others only show up on Tuesday. But every OMC has a strict poker schedule that he follows and incorporates into his weekly routine. The OMC arrives looking fresh and ready for action. He quietly sits into his favorite seat, pulls out a newspaper, and orders a coffee, black. He rarely displays much emotion, and avoids conversation, unless it is about a violation of the rules, in which case he leaps into action and displays his authority on the matter. Every dealer and supervisor in the casino is on a first name basis with the OMC.
Plumage: Weathered flannel shirts, warn out khakis, bland sweaters, goofy straw hats (more successful OMCs, such as Dan Harrington, have even been spotted with baseball caps)
Poker Style / How to Adjust: The OMC is completely positionally unaware and completely unaware of his opponents. He knows that KJ is a limping hand, so he limps it under the gun, and he limps it on the button. OMC’s generally play tight, and when they do raise (even on the button), you can be sure it’s one of seven possible hands (AA,KK,QQ,JJ,TT,AK,AQ). While Some OMC’s protest raising AQ and TT, most have come to understand that these are acceptable raises in today’s poker environment. Postflop, an OMC will rarely slowplay a big hand, and will often even lead into a multiway field when he flops a set. If an OMC comes out firing big, back off. If he comes out firing small, this is often representative of a middling made hand like middle pair or top pair, weak kicker. It’s often a good time to try to get the OMC off his hand. OMC’s pride themselves on being able to fold hands - they consider it a skill they have honed through decades of poker experience. For this reason, you should almost always try to make an OMC fold his hand by the river if you have reason to believe he is not very strong.
OMCs are weak prey that a professional poker player can eat up for consistent small gains. While you will rarely win large pots form an OMC, you can win many small ones. OMCs are easy to manipulate by simply altering your bet sizing. Often you will arrive at the river in a $180 pot vs. an OMC. You know from experience, that he has top pair, weak kicker here. You also know that he will begrudgingly call a $100 bet, and you know that he will fold to a $150 bet. It’s very simple: bet $100 when you have a hand that wants to be called, and bet $150 when you are bluffing. It sounds too good to be true, but with the OMC, that is the beauty of his game. His decisions are mechanical and predictable. Even if he were perceptive enough to alter his decisions based on his opponent type, he is too stubborn. Raised by a strict father in a household where rules were rules, the OMC was never given enough freedom to actively develop an imagination or any sort of creative thought of his own.
The Middle Aged Guy With Everything To Prove (A mix)
Description: Often from New Jersey, the MAGWEP owns a small business, and he can’t wait to tell everyone around him about its success. In reality, MAGWEPs almost always earn between 35 and 100k per year. The MAGWEP is happily married, as you can see by obnoxiously large wedding band displayed around his ring finger. The MAGWEP loves to talk strategy; rather, the MAGWEP loves to tell you how you misplayed a hand. When he gets sucked out on, the MAGWEP always lets out some sort of verbal declaration, and then often bangs the table and gives the dealer some sort of dirty look. MAGWEPs cannot stand young internet poker players; they are subconsciously aware of their own inferiority in skill to these players, and are threatened by the seemingly reckless attitudes of their competitors. When a young internet player sits down at a poker table, a look of concern appears very briefly on the face of a MAGWEP, but not long enough for anybody to notice. This look will disappear quickly, and the MAGWEP will refer to the internet player as “kid” for the rest of the session, announcing his dominance. MAGWEPs always appear to be more interested in sports than they really are (they are interested, but not obsessed, as they try to convey), and often try to converse with the other players about the table about the future of their football team. Generally, but not always, it could be said that MAGWEP’s have some form of need to assert their masculinity, which can often be attributed to physical deficiencies in certain areas.
Plumage: Working man’s jeans, sweatshirts (often emblazoned with the logo of their son’s university), baseball caps.
Poker Style / How to Adjust: MAGWEP’s can range from being reasonably tight to quite loose, but they are almost always aggressive. They understand the basic theory that raising is better than limping in, and have incorporated it into their game. They are even somewhat positionally aware, and would do things like raise 76s on the button, something an OMC would never dream of doing. MAGWEPs tend to get waaaaaaaay too attached to premium starting hands, and are often even guilty of overplaying AK on whiffed flops. Flop a set when a MAGWEP has aces, and the money is all yours, no matter what.
MAGWEPs give away several very obvious tells. The most noticeable one is when a MAGWEP is involved in a hand, and he has check/called a bet on the flop, and then the turn falls. The MAGWEP will look his opponent right in the eyes, and then he will check the table so viciously that it might even startle some of the other players. When the MAGWEP does this, you can be damn sure that he has a marginal to strong, but not super strong, made hand. Occasionally he will have a semi-strong draw in this spot too. The MAGWEP is essentially trying to intimidate his opponent into keeping the pot small by checking behind. He feels that his eye contact and intense slamming of the felt will do so. Sometimes it can be difficult to decide whether or not to continue with a bluff in spots like these. On the one hand, the MAGWEP doesn’t want to fold, but on the other hand, he knows that you know that he is pretending to be committed to showing his hand down, so he may feel that you won’t bluff him here (the MAGWEP does have some poker smarts). My advice would be go with recent history: if you have a crazy animal image, now would be a good spot to cut your losses, but if you’ve been reasonably tight thus far, try to take it away from him.
The Internet Kid (LAG/TAG)
Description: While you will find “internet kids” of all descriptions playing live poker from time to time, the most common one I see is the 1-2 NL grinder. The kind of guy that plays 6-8 tables 15-20 hours a week online, and, when he sits in a live game, thinks he is God’s gift to poker. Often wearing a backwards hat and a smug grin. Typically enters the casino with two or three of his buddies, one of whom is almost certainly a novice poker player. While generally congenial and easy going, the internet kid can get extremely defensive when his poker skills are brought into question.
Plumage: Jeans, polo shirts, Birkenstocks, hooded sweatshirts, watches in the $100-500 price range, sometimes sunglasses.
Poker Style / How to Adjust: The IK tends to be tight aggressive, while some more brazen varieties are loose aggressive. He is positionally aware and willing to mix up his game and play creatively. While the IK will make quite a bit of money from the fish in the game, an experienced and aware opponent can profit quite nicely from the IK by putting him in spots that he is uncomfortable. If you are seated to the left of an IK, both flat and 3bet him relentlessly, and establish your presence as table captain. You want to be the one playing multiway pots against fish, and when he opens the pot, he cuts into your win rate. Figure out what kind of IK he is: some will buy in for 50 or 80 big blinds and play a scared money style, others are overly bold and bluff happy. Focus much of your people reading skills on figuring out exactly how the IK plays (it will be incredibly obvious to obtain this information on the other players at the table). Also try to figure out how the IK perceives you: unlike the other player types, the IK will actually be capable of adjusting his play based on your play and your dynamic with him. Do everything you can to take the IK out of his comfort zone: show him bluffs, own him with overbets for value, etc. etc.
Keep in mind that some more inexperienced IKs can actually be good opponents to have at the table: they will play a straightforward style, and their ranges will be very obvious. Study the IK at great length, and even go out of your way to make eye contact when you get involved in pots with him - this will often make him uneasy and you will be able to pick up physical tells. Remember, the IK is used to hiding behind a computer screen, and is not necessarily socially adjusted or in solid control of his emotions and body language.
The Friendly Whale (LP)
Description: We save the best for last. The Friendly Whale is an icon in any live poker game - there’s almost certainly sure to be at least one at every table. Some of my best friends in the poker world are friendly whales, and most are between the ages of forty and fifty-five. Not only do FWs consistently give me large sums of money, they also tend to be accomplished, interesting, and conversational people. And the best part about them is that they don’t care when they lose, so there are no hard feelings, or awkward moments when your hour long conversation is interrupted only to have you win $1,000 off them. Friendly whales come in many shapes and sizes, but tend to be middle aged businessmen with successful business ventures or other forms of employment. Despite being the poorest card player I have profiled, the FW is arguably the most life successful type, and is the envy of MAGWEPs worldwide.
Plumage: Business casual: dress shoes, khakis and casual/dress shirts. More conservative FWs may sport a blazer or slacks.
Poker Style / How to Adjust: FWs are the loose passive fish that poker players dream of. Recreational players who enjoy the thrill of the game, FWs rarely miss a flop with any two cards that have even the remotest of similarities to each other. The beauty of the FW is that he is eager and willing to call large bets, but will rarely bet or raise himself without an extremely powerful hand. It is therefore extremely easy to bet/fold extremely strong hands on the river against an FW, as he may well call you with fourth pair but would be unlikely to raise you without the nuts. Value bet, value bet, value bet. Often you can get three streets of value out of 2nd pair, top kicker vs. an FW. If you have a huge hand, consider overbetting for value, and also consider incorporating some overbet bluffs into your arsenal (even an FW can fold a hand to significant pressure, but try to feel the situation out and use this move sparingly). If an FW is in the pot, you should not be looking for an excuse to play a hand, but rather looking for an excuse not to. Mix in some overlimps with your weakest hands, and make small to medium raises with your suited connector type stuff, and bigger raises with your pure value hands. Nobody at the table will notice when you make it 6x with AA and 4x with Jts - remember, you are trying to accomplish two different things with these two hands, and so it would make sense to adjust your raise sizes accordingly. When you make a very strong nut type hand, and believe the FW to be reasonably strong, hammer the pot with large bets and raises. Do not be scared of frightening the FW off, if he likes his hand, he will stay in almost no matter the price. FWs favorite thing to say after making a bad call, usually accompanied by a chuckle and a smile, is “well at least I can sleep at night”. FWs are wonderful people, great for the game, and fantastic for your bottom line.
PART XXIII: Conclusion
Live poker is the nuts. You get to sit at a table with interesting people from around the world, and hear their life stories. You hear married men ***** about their wives, and listen to Norweigan businessmen who have played 100,000 euro pots. You experience a general sense of comraderie that cannot be replicated in the online arena. I advise you this: do not judge a person’s character by the way he plays cards. Even the biggest whales in the world can be fascinating, interesting and successful people. Take time to soak in the atmosphere and enjoy the full experience of playing live: winning money will take care of itself.

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