Continued From
https://www.reddit.com/useNakulsharma90210/comments/kcyfp5/why_are_people_so_skeptical_of_malayalis_and_view/
Sharing an article by Roy Abraham
I'm a Mallu transplanted to Gujarat and living here since the past 15 years, and anytime I return to my native land for a visit, I feel reluctant to get plugged into the way of life there. Don't get me wrong, I do have the pride of being a Mallu, but feel sometimes the sights I observer there, or the way of life, I feel very reticent about admitting that I am one.
A trip to my hometown in Kerala, is not always the sight what i expect. I usually stay with my aunt and i can always hear that their neighbours fighting with her. The neighbours throw their leaves into her backyard, and every morning she ends up throwing these back to his yard.
This is not a one of instance, I have observed this while traveling, where people throw garbage at someone else's yard. It seems baffling to me why this is happening and after living all my life in Gujarat, I have not noticed such sights.
Also what annoys me the most is the way outsiders are treated. As I lived outside Kerala, I sometimes find this offensive.
Once I noticed a North Indian sitting in a bus and a Malayali asks him to get up and says “nee bengali okke irrikaru ayo njangal ivide nilkumbol” (how dare you sit when we malayalis are standing). The best part is most of them do not even say anything.
From my experience, there is 2 types of Mallus I have encountered, one is the Crab and the other is the chameleon. This is terms of mentality The first one the crab you have to watch out as they will find a way to put you down, and will do so under any circumstances even if they end up hurting you the most.
From my experience, they do gossip and spread rumours behind your back. Even if they do not know you, they will make up some story.
The genetically inherited state of perpetual spitefulness toward our fellow statesmen is exemplary .More than often it is always a Malayali who hates seeing another Malayali succeed and will do anything he can to ensure that that doesn't happen. But sometimes this exist to even outsiders.
The chameleon is the one which will stick with you just till you remain useful to him or her and then will dump you as soon as the use of the particular person runs out.
Let me share a story of a person, who I know.
This is a person, who my parents used to lend money, as we are distant relatives (4th Cousin), seeing their financial difficulty. This person, who used to live in a small house next to their rich relative, one day got scolded for letting his daughter studying in their house as they were utilising his electricity. Now wait, how much electricity this person could have consumed since, they are sitting with the other people's children as well. Such narrow minded thinking. The thing which I find strange is that once the rich relative has passed away and when his wife is the only one there alive, this person has forgotten all the people who had helped him and instead went and praise the very person who had always abused him, hoping to get some money from them. This is the lack of gratitude and self respect that I have seen.
Very easily people forget who has helped them at the hour of need and become ungrateful.
I will not deny that it is not a highly literate place, but the literacy (not sure if it is the right one) has resulted in another problem, where instead of being humble has produced people with irrational thoughts, where there is a distinct reluctance to show respect to a fellow being and has produced a lack of proper rational thinking.
The high education is used in a wrong way, and instead of cooperation most of them live end up creating a self-sustaining ecosystem in another land, and eventually individuals break off from the ecosystem, as most are opportunist and only need the ecosystem to suit their needs. Tension and anxiety is in-built in a Malayali as most of them are aware that they cannot exist in one mallu ecosystem for long, due to the belief that someone might cause trouble for them. They even find it hard to exist in other ecosystem as well. My friend who is settled in Sydney said to me, whichever multicultural country they are in, they go and meet their fellow Mallus like they’re in the Matrix and the sole Malayali restaurant three towns away is their hub and hardly ever take a chance to meet anyone who is an outsider.
Malayalis seem to form a group wherever they go. And from my experience, the mallus who avoid such group tend to be very critical of general mallu attitude. I'm one of those people who try staying away from such Mallu associations because they are the very things that make me happy as I have been living outside Kerala for the last decades. The irony of this Mallu group is that no one knows who is backstabbing whom.
Unlike Mallu pride protectors, I can safely say, I love the Mallu land, but don't really fancy some of its cultural and hypocritical elements. I rather live a simple life compared to being a pious hypocrite and cheating people, and having superiority complex and looking down on others.
I am grateful for the fact that my family was successful in Gujarat, and do not have the need for a false ego, and appreciate good people anywhere.
Article by Vivek Kumar
Everywhere you go in Kerala, you experience a fake sense of camaraderie. As a Keralite myself, I feel that most of the time the friendship, secularism and relationship are just a means to an end.
As a person of mixed Hindu and Christian background, just by using my observation skills, I can tell you that most of them are just loud to tell that their point of view is right, while disregarding and discounting the point of others. Christians look down on fellow christians , hindus are all caste based and never form relationship with others. Everyday people have to show off to prove that with their wealth, overall people just try to one up each other. Not only are people in Kerala so cynical of each others, but also outsiders are also very wary of dealing with them. Let me share a twitter feed which I have come across
https://preview.redd.it/abmutmsa7p761.png?width=602&format=png&auto=webp&s=ca395bee40911cc1b7662b9bcf25ab600741b626
Usually, wherever Malayalis go they try and form clans and poke their noses into other people’s business.
Let me highlight their qualities
Fake Friendship - People are your friends only when they need you. usually if they find that you are in some trouble do not even expect them to pick your phone calls. This is true even for relatives as well. A means to an end. The only unity among malayalis is alcohol.
Another point is backstabbing and gossiping people. Always poking their noses in other people’s business and trying to get some dirt. Anyone who comes to visit you in Kerala, just comes to find out what you are up to. Have no respect for privacy.Whenever you go , someone always has to comment on how much I'm eating. It's always like "why are you dieting ", "Why did you marry that person", "Why are you going to bangalore" etc etc. and then go spread this information everywhere.
Unification factor - Alcoholism.
Any party any where all of them just guzzle alcohol like there is no tomorrow and they usually does it for free. If you ever want to meet a bunch of free loaders just go to “God’s own country” and after drinking they make lewe comments on all races except their own people, because they are having the superiority feeling.
Clannish - Everyone else apart from them lack wisdom. Just because you had a degree, does not make a place civilized. Having the assumption that a few certificates make them invincible. and outsiders are only good for labour jobs.
Money goes to their head - Always try and flaunt their wealth. Generally a Malayali attitude is to show off their bank balance. Inside their head they are 4th century and on the outside it is 21st century BC. Just listen and analyze what they talk. You will understand what I mean.
Religious show off - Just go to a church and what you see is the maximum show off.
Know it all attitude - everyone has an opinion. but ask them have you read an international best seller, they have not. I have read the malayalam news. I know politics, that is it. Always bragging if they know one answer to “ Speaking in English when they know you’re a Malayali. This irks me to no end, particularly when the main perpetrators are not fluent enough to maintain the conversation when replied to in English. Like to show off their English skills even when they are full of crap. If someone like Shashi Tharoor or a highly educated employee speaks
I can understand. If the whole world knew how to add and not subtract, and while one malayali knows how to subtract .. uff the arrogance that stems from that knowledge. Always say that they know better English than North Indians and try to one up them
Backstabbing attitude - The genetically inherited inherent state of perpetual spitefulness toward our fellow statesmen is exemplary . More than often it is always a Malayalee who hates seeing another Malayalee succeed and will do anything he can to ensure that that doesn't happen. Can’t see someone succeeding.
Yep, People are cynical of malayalis as most people try to avoid bad company
Article by Nivin Jose
Being a Malayali myself, I took so much pride in being one while doing my undergraduate studies in Chennai. After a while the pride slowly faded once the reality kicked in. Mallus living outside Kerala act so liberal, that is the ones raised without much Kerala influence, but inside Kerala, they are very orthodox in views regarding gender issues, equality, racism and caste. It took me a while to realize that most people there are phony.
Don't believe the hype of some Malayalis who will say 100 percent literacy or HDI or the slogan "God's own country". Get down to the real cultural values by peeling the skin and looking beneath the surface. That is where you will find the real values. Just like you do not eat orange peel, and eat only the flesh, one must see the inner Kerala.
We will always say that there are problems in North India, but seldom criticize our own faults, We shun honor killings in north, but will emotionally blackmail our children marrying from another religion, caste, or community etc. I remember my friend, who while studying in Australia, married an Aussie white girl and his mother was constantly hoping that the girl would leave him so that he can marry a Malayali girl. Little do they realise that relationship is based on Humanity and not on the community.
What I find odd about the Kerala culture is that even though most of them have a high school degree, they have narrow minded views. Myself being an orthodox christian, my family has always advised me against marrying catholic or from other christian community. Forget about Hindus or other religions. To me Humanity comes first.
They act so progressive and in the loop but it's all just a show. It's like they're trying to balance their ego in two different worlds. Lack of forward thinking is the problem
I remember my neighbor and his family in Kerala, who was struggling financially and then went to Saudi, earned a lot of money and suddenly went from being genial social folks to suddenly putting on airs and looking down their noses at everyone else. They walk with their heads held high. These very people once they come down a bit will immediately run back to the people whom they treated with disrespect and without hesitation call them. Talk about hypocrisy.
From what I have seen and observed is that, we are very opinionated and comment on each and everything irrespective of our knowledge on the subject. We neither practice personal space or are just not aware of the concept and is always poking noses into other people's business.
I have to give credit to Anish M for the below bit, I added this here because it makes my point (Answer to why Kerala is so Backward )
Just because statistics show that 100 percent literacy , fancy houses etc, does not mean that they are civil. Very few keralites are well mannered. They are educated but this is the term i had learned from the internet ( Educated Idiots)
Literacy and highest HDI doesn't indicate progressiveness and common sense.
People don't like associating with phoney people but unfortunately most of them are. It's sad. to see people pretending to be a liberal. They are not even in the process of becoming one.
Article By Shalini Suresh
From an NRI Keralite perspective, I do not know how to describe my own society. On the one hand we have highly literate people who have lived in multiple countries and with exposure of different cultures, but still think with a backward mentality.
Many people born to parents who hail from Kerala but are raised abroad or outside of Kerala find Malayali society judgmental, narrow-minded and even nasty. It is a common complaint among such individuals to abhor having anything to do with Malayalis.
I had a Malayali friend from college who was raised in North India and only used to hang out with non-Malayalis. He was honest enough to say that he had learnt it the hard way about how people of his hometown ganged up against those who were raised elsewhere.
I remember my father's comments when I was young and living in Sharjah, my fathers always kept keen eye on the Kerala news, always hung around his fellow Keralites and discuss Kerala politics, participate in kerala cultural events and also talking about how great his things are back in Kerala. But after he retired and returned back home, he slowly started lamenting his decisions. Being unwelcome in his own land after decades away makes most Malayalis depressed and resentful. He now clearly tells me that his biggest regret is that he has helped people back home and now they treat him as an outcast. Many NRI's in the Arab world feel the same.
Among the "Gulf Malayalis", there are those who have spent decades in Arab countries working hard, taking care of their families and relatives back home, and dreaming of a peaceful life in kerala, But often what awaits them at the end of the decades-long ordeal is unspeakable ignominy and agony. Their closest family and friends get so used to their lucrative lifestyle and easy way of being taken care of, that their eventual return, and the subsequent termination of remittances, are greeted with resentment.
Comfortably entrenched in a culture of profligacy, and the anticipation of receiving gifts makes their love grow, but a sudden loss of benefits makes people resentful. People have become used to being without jobs and as they say "An idle mind is a Devil's Workshop", makes people look out for schemes to make money, by hook or crook and not indulge in anything productive.
The byproduct of the easy money relationship is the rampant consumerism, growing religious fundamentalism, mindless materialism, and last but not the least, the consequences of entire generations growing up in the absence of proper family structure and moral values.
Malayalis are also a compulsively argumentative society, a society that almost substituted the cacophony of arguments for the material gains and are willing to go any lengths to accomplish this. The argumentative and loud way of life stems from the fact that everything is a competition to become better and show off.
I remember when we were looking for a groom for my sister, my mother always said look for the rich guy and what happened from all this is that she finally got married to one and was a good wife, only to have the relationship broken because always the discussion of money would come into play. I remember my sisters in laws always bragging that their daughter in law is a doctor and hardly introduced her by her name. From their end, it seems like a bad deal because they did not get a family with a lot of connections.
During my childhood, from what i have observed among friends families is that, the Gulf, Malyalis who were wealthy, had to invite religious leaders, politicians, actors and association leaders to their houses for meals and have to prove themselves that they are prominent members, also taking photographs with Malayalam stars and politicians and have those photos published. The humour in this is that once these NRI Malayalis lose their business or jobs in the gulf, these photos are just memories and no one in the photo even wants to talk with them.
What I don't get is the fact that people are never satisfied and want to pretend to live a larger than life and in the pursuit will ultimately live miserably. I have seen Malayalis who have lost their jobs in Dubai, all of a sudden become an outcast and becomes a lonely figure, and when they return home, live in a mansion they have built, with the only touch to the outside world is through television. Most of them even try to go out somewhere else and live as money buys their relationship in their homeland, and as soon as the well dries up, they have to go elsewhere and live.
It is true that a bit of prejudice runs in Kerala against those who do not subscribe to the local viewpoint, traditions or even a conservative dress code. Still when you compare it with other places in India, it is much more clean, better healthcare.
But for all the gains that have been made over the years, the Kerala society has remained culturally stagnant for a few decades. It is now apparent that despite its tremendous record in education, health and society-building, narrow-mindedness, bigotry and moral policing are on the rise. All this has also led to society becoming more judgmental when it comes to dealing with outsiders and even its own who have returned from other cultures.
Kerala is a paradoxical enigma, where to any outsider it is a land of beauty with lots of greenery, big houses and picture perfect postcard photos, but to a Non native who has spend a lot of time there or an NRI Keralite, it is a land that ooze unbearable pain, a life filled with people only wanting them for their wealth or being isolated, and most of them leave or try and settle down somewhere else so as to find a modicum of happiness.
The irony of NRI Keralite is that even though they face all the hardship back home and eventually settling down somewhere else, and becoming very cynical, they try and recreate a little kerala and hope that the new Kerala will be how it is imagined in their dreams. The fact that they settle abroad due to these and forming various malayali associations creates a new breed where the exiled ones are skeptical of the native born Malayalis.
It is a land where all Non natives have a joke - “The joke doing the rounds is that Kerala, being God's own country, requires every Adam and Eve born there to be expelled and sent down to earth”
For all the education, I wonder which equation went wrong for our society to become this way.
Sharing Article by Jacob Vaghese
Let me clarify from a Keralite point of view
After initial love affair from childhood with the familiar culture which I have grown up with and moving to a new environment,
I can understand why my own people Malayali are treated with suspicion and skeptical.Outside the borders of God's own country, we are prepared to do anything, any time, for any duration and that is why we are recognized as good workers wherever we are.
Are we the same in our Homeland? No, we are just the exact opposite.One thing they fail to realise is that chauvinism and white collar attitude can sell only in Mallu home land. While in Kerala, they do not like to soil their clothes and wet their hands.
Keralites are raised from childhood with a sense of superiority and that we are the only 100 percent literate people anywhere and that is one of the reason that we are snobbish and walk with our noses held up high. While the snobbish attitude exist, the irony is that Outside the borders of God's own country, we are prepared to do anything any time, for any duration and wherever we are. Are we the same in our Homeland? No, we are just the exact opposite. Malayalis will work anywhere but when confronted with an oppotunity to exploit someone and take unfair advantage they will do it without any hesitation.They do this because every aspect of Mallu culture is boasting and showing that you are better than anyone else.
The life of a Mallu is always filled with struggles. A struggle not only to make both ends meet, but also to meet the demands of our show off culture. We usually go abroad or move to other states to make a living. We work and live like a sparrow and save like a squirrel for the rainy day. A closer look into our lives will give us an insight of what life really is.
Each and every Malayali who is sensible knows that if he is talented the others will put him down and must be suspicious of their relatives or friends.There is a scene in Roman Polanski's "The Pianist". A Jew tries to get away from an apartment where he's been holed up for months but unfortunately is spotted by a neighbour.
As he scrambles down the stairs as fast as he can, she screams with utter contempt and hate: "Catch him! He's a JEW!!!
That is exactly the way how many people feel, while working with them - Like a Jew in Hitler's Nazi Germany.
I remember former colleague, Vijay who himself is a keralite mockingly say "You should first kill a Mallu, if you happen to meet a Mallu and a poisonous snake together." Well, he meant it as a joke, but there are others who do so from the heart.
There is a Term which people use to decribe the attitudes of Keralites, it is called "Malluism". Let me describe the characteristics of a Malluism.
#BeingMallu is to have your best friend always from the any other community. Why - Very Simple. Mallus do not trust anpther Mallu as he is afraid of the backstabbing
#BeingMallu – Find a way to declare that every other movie is a remake of a mallu movie - Meaning, all movies do not hold a candle to Malayalam films. Everything else is crap
The Malayali “Know-it-all” Attitude
Since the level of school graduates is high , social emancipation, widely traveled people for jobs abroad, muggin up newspapers than any other state, Malayalees have this feeling of “we know everything” and are storehouses of General Knowledge. Even if that knowledge is in bits and pieces and often wrong.
#Being mallu is being a know-it-all and proclaiming it to all.
They have discussion on anything from politics to anything under the sun. But half baked information and will argue that they are correct. The I-know-everything…I-am-everything attitude. They believe in knowing something about and having an opinion on everything under the sun.
The Judgemental, Crabby, Self-Righteous Malayali Poking noses into others business.
Malayalees pass judgement on any and everything under the sun, no matter what. It is a nasty habit, as much is that of pulling the other guy down (crabbiness) and ignoring one’s own house to concentrate on what is going on in the next house.
The Malayali is at times so two faced that it borders on hypocrisy.
A few more Mallusim
#BeingMallu – Cycle gap koduthal avide Volvo kettuka. ( Squeeze a Volvo where there is a gap only for a cycle)
#BeingMallu - is the ultimate ‘para’ backstabbing to another Mallu or anyone else.
#BeingMallu - Neighbours are more interested in your affairs than theirs.
#BeingMallu - Means everyone has an opinion on your life.
#BeingMallu - Everybody else is worried about your whereabouts more than your parents
#Beingmallu Judging people by their looks.
I guess now we know why most people outside and inside are always skeptical.
After slowly distancing myself from Mallus, I guess I turned into a better person.
Article by Brigid Wagner
I am from Germany and had lived in Kerala for a year due for doing a humanities project. I was doing for my job. I was very much excited to go there first because I got to explore a new culture and country, but now I must say I will never step foot in Kerala ever again.
Yes, it's a beautiful place, very beautiful, but as someone said before...they don't like anyone who is not of their kind. I was brashed and harassed because I am a white person and not a malayalee..only a very few people I met were nice, but these people either were shunned out from their community as they didn't follow the expectations as they had visioned life different from the "malayalee" life, or they have been abroad elsewhere,know better how to treat people and are also disgusted by their own people. When I tried to speak in malayalam, I was made fun of and people were pointing fingers and laughing..they also act they are better than me and have stabbed me in the back before. They also love to make snobby comments in front of me because they know I don't understand malayalam. Selfish, arrogant, and very disrespectful. It's funny because when I went to Tamil Nadu and Northern India, they were very accepting and friendly..I made a lot of friends from there. I don't know what makes malayalees think they are better...but I heard from a malayalee friend, who feels the same way and is living in the US that they think they are superior than other people..this why many many malayalees born and raised abroad shun their heritage out, marry outside of Kerala and basically want nothing to do with it.and it should be understood because of the way malayalees behave. I have seen this among malayalees in northern India too..just like the US and abroad, they feel the same. Of course not all of them are like that, but a good majority of them are horrible..sorry.
I don't think anyone, unless you are a native of Kerala and believe in the same thinking, will ever say "I am proud to be a malayalee". Don't want to say everything was bad but my experience there would never make me go back there.
To Be continued - Part 3
submitted by Nakulsharma90210 to u/Nakulsharma90210 [link] [comments] https://www.reddit.com/useNakulsharma90210/comments/kcyfp5/why_are_people_so_skeptical_of_malayalis_and_view/
Sharing an article by Roy Abraham
I'm a Mallu transplanted to Gujarat and living here since the past 15 years, and anytime I return to my native land for a visit, I feel reluctant to get plugged into the way of life there. Don't get me wrong, I do have the pride of being a Mallu, but feel sometimes the sights I observer there, or the way of life, I feel very reticent about admitting that I am one.
A trip to my hometown in Kerala, is not always the sight what i expect. I usually stay with my aunt and i can always hear that their neighbours fighting with her. The neighbours throw their leaves into her backyard, and every morning she ends up throwing these back to his yard.
This is not a one of instance, I have observed this while traveling, where people throw garbage at someone else's yard. It seems baffling to me why this is happening and after living all my life in Gujarat, I have not noticed such sights.
Also what annoys me the most is the way outsiders are treated. As I lived outside Kerala, I sometimes find this offensive.
Once I noticed a North Indian sitting in a bus and a Malayali asks him to get up and says “nee bengali okke irrikaru ayo njangal ivide nilkumbol” (how dare you sit when we malayalis are standing). The best part is most of them do not even say anything.
From my experience, there is 2 types of Mallus I have encountered, one is the Crab and the other is the chameleon. This is terms of mentality The first one the crab you have to watch out as they will find a way to put you down, and will do so under any circumstances even if they end up hurting you the most.
From my experience, they do gossip and spread rumours behind your back. Even if they do not know you, they will make up some story.
The genetically inherited state of perpetual spitefulness toward our fellow statesmen is exemplary .More than often it is always a Malayali who hates seeing another Malayali succeed and will do anything he can to ensure that that doesn't happen. But sometimes this exist to even outsiders.
The chameleon is the one which will stick with you just till you remain useful to him or her and then will dump you as soon as the use of the particular person runs out.
Let me share a story of a person, who I know.
This is a person, who my parents used to lend money, as we are distant relatives (4th Cousin), seeing their financial difficulty. This person, who used to live in a small house next to their rich relative, one day got scolded for letting his daughter studying in their house as they were utilising his electricity. Now wait, how much electricity this person could have consumed since, they are sitting with the other people's children as well. Such narrow minded thinking. The thing which I find strange is that once the rich relative has passed away and when his wife is the only one there alive, this person has forgotten all the people who had helped him and instead went and praise the very person who had always abused him, hoping to get some money from them. This is the lack of gratitude and self respect that I have seen.
Very easily people forget who has helped them at the hour of need and become ungrateful.
I will not deny that it is not a highly literate place, but the literacy (not sure if it is the right one) has resulted in another problem, where instead of being humble has produced people with irrational thoughts, where there is a distinct reluctance to show respect to a fellow being and has produced a lack of proper rational thinking.
The high education is used in a wrong way, and instead of cooperation most of them live end up creating a self-sustaining ecosystem in another land, and eventually individuals break off from the ecosystem, as most are opportunist and only need the ecosystem to suit their needs. Tension and anxiety is in-built in a Malayali as most of them are aware that they cannot exist in one mallu ecosystem for long, due to the belief that someone might cause trouble for them. They even find it hard to exist in other ecosystem as well. My friend who is settled in Sydney said to me, whichever multicultural country they are in, they go and meet their fellow Mallus like they’re in the Matrix and the sole Malayali restaurant three towns away is their hub and hardly ever take a chance to meet anyone who is an outsider.
Malayalis seem to form a group wherever they go. And from my experience, the mallus who avoid such group tend to be very critical of general mallu attitude. I'm one of those people who try staying away from such Mallu associations because they are the very things that make me happy as I have been living outside Kerala for the last decades. The irony of this Mallu group is that no one knows who is backstabbing whom.
Unlike Mallu pride protectors, I can safely say, I love the Mallu land, but don't really fancy some of its cultural and hypocritical elements. I rather live a simple life compared to being a pious hypocrite and cheating people, and having superiority complex and looking down on others.
I am grateful for the fact that my family was successful in Gujarat, and do not have the need for a false ego, and appreciate good people anywhere.
Article by Vivek Kumar
Everywhere you go in Kerala, you experience a fake sense of camaraderie. As a Keralite myself, I feel that most of the time the friendship, secularism and relationship are just a means to an end.
As a person of mixed Hindu and Christian background, just by using my observation skills, I can tell you that most of them are just loud to tell that their point of view is right, while disregarding and discounting the point of others. Christians look down on fellow christians , hindus are all caste based and never form relationship with others. Everyday people have to show off to prove that with their wealth, overall people just try to one up each other. Not only are people in Kerala so cynical of each others, but also outsiders are also very wary of dealing with them. Let me share a twitter feed which I have come across
https://preview.redd.it/abmutmsa7p761.png?width=602&format=png&auto=webp&s=ca395bee40911cc1b7662b9bcf25ab600741b626
Usually, wherever Malayalis go they try and form clans and poke their noses into other people’s business.
Let me highlight their qualities
Fake Friendship - People are your friends only when they need you. usually if they find that you are in some trouble do not even expect them to pick your phone calls. This is true even for relatives as well. A means to an end. The only unity among malayalis is alcohol.
Another point is backstabbing and gossiping people. Always poking their noses in other people’s business and trying to get some dirt. Anyone who comes to visit you in Kerala, just comes to find out what you are up to. Have no respect for privacy.Whenever you go , someone always has to comment on how much I'm eating. It's always like "why are you dieting ", "Why did you marry that person", "Why are you going to bangalore" etc etc. and then go spread this information everywhere.
Unification factor - Alcoholism.
Any party any where all of them just guzzle alcohol like there is no tomorrow and they usually does it for free. If you ever want to meet a bunch of free loaders just go to “God’s own country” and after drinking they make lewe comments on all races except their own people, because they are having the superiority feeling.
Clannish - Everyone else apart from them lack wisdom. Just because you had a degree, does not make a place civilized. Having the assumption that a few certificates make them invincible. and outsiders are only good for labour jobs.
Money goes to their head - Always try and flaunt their wealth. Generally a Malayali attitude is to show off their bank balance. Inside their head they are 4th century and on the outside it is 21st century BC. Just listen and analyze what they talk. You will understand what I mean.
Religious show off - Just go to a church and what you see is the maximum show off.
Know it all attitude - everyone has an opinion. but ask them have you read an international best seller, they have not. I have read the malayalam news. I know politics, that is it. Always bragging if they know one answer to “ Speaking in English when they know you’re a Malayali. This irks me to no end, particularly when the main perpetrators are not fluent enough to maintain the conversation when replied to in English. Like to show off their English skills even when they are full of crap. If someone like Shashi Tharoor or a highly educated employee speaks
I can understand. If the whole world knew how to add and not subtract, and while one malayali knows how to subtract .. uff the arrogance that stems from that knowledge. Always say that they know better English than North Indians and try to one up them
Backstabbing attitude - The genetically inherited inherent state of perpetual spitefulness toward our fellow statesmen is exemplary . More than often it is always a Malayalee who hates seeing another Malayalee succeed and will do anything he can to ensure that that doesn't happen. Can’t see someone succeeding.
Yep, People are cynical of malayalis as most people try to avoid bad company
Article by Nivin Jose
Being a Malayali myself, I took so much pride in being one while doing my undergraduate studies in Chennai. After a while the pride slowly faded once the reality kicked in. Mallus living outside Kerala act so liberal, that is the ones raised without much Kerala influence, but inside Kerala, they are very orthodox in views regarding gender issues, equality, racism and caste. It took me a while to realize that most people there are phony.
Don't believe the hype of some Malayalis who will say 100 percent literacy or HDI or the slogan "God's own country". Get down to the real cultural values by peeling the skin and looking beneath the surface. That is where you will find the real values. Just like you do not eat orange peel, and eat only the flesh, one must see the inner Kerala.
We will always say that there are problems in North India, but seldom criticize our own faults, We shun honor killings in north, but will emotionally blackmail our children marrying from another religion, caste, or community etc. I remember my friend, who while studying in Australia, married an Aussie white girl and his mother was constantly hoping that the girl would leave him so that he can marry a Malayali girl. Little do they realise that relationship is based on Humanity and not on the community.
What I find odd about the Kerala culture is that even though most of them have a high school degree, they have narrow minded views. Myself being an orthodox christian, my family has always advised me against marrying catholic or from other christian community. Forget about Hindus or other religions. To me Humanity comes first.
They act so progressive and in the loop but it's all just a show. It's like they're trying to balance their ego in two different worlds. Lack of forward thinking is the problem
I remember my neighbor and his family in Kerala, who was struggling financially and then went to Saudi, earned a lot of money and suddenly went from being genial social folks to suddenly putting on airs and looking down their noses at everyone else. They walk with their heads held high. These very people once they come down a bit will immediately run back to the people whom they treated with disrespect and without hesitation call them. Talk about hypocrisy.
From what I have seen and observed is that, we are very opinionated and comment on each and everything irrespective of our knowledge on the subject. We neither practice personal space or are just not aware of the concept and is always poking noses into other people's business.
I have to give credit to Anish M for the below bit, I added this here because it makes my point (Answer to why Kerala is so Backward )
Just because statistics show that 100 percent literacy , fancy houses etc, does not mean that they are civil. Very few keralites are well mannered. They are educated but this is the term i had learned from the internet ( Educated Idiots)
- An educated neighbour next door will not mind his own business. If you plant some vegetables in your yard he/ she next door will not do that instead they will find ways to destroy your vegetables.
- No family unity. Kerala culture is very simple. All relationship is like a pre paid mobile balance, if you don't recharge you lose your connection. In simple terms, if you are wealthy you will be having relatives and as soon as your wealth drops or you are in a bad situation your connection stops. You need to recharge.
- I had once applied from my company to go to US on H1 B visa, my colleague who also applied got rejected. Immediately when he returned from the consulate he said if i don't get the visa you will not get. my interview was next week and I managed to get the H1 B visa. Imagine how petty and narrow minded keralites are. Only jealousy and selfishness.
- Never satisfied in life. No matter how rich they get they never even buy a thing for themselves only keep storing money and wont even share a meal with anyone. Money = life, love, husband, child , and everything.
- Had property in kerala before, cut down a few trees and i asked the person who had cut them down if he needs them. he said he will haul it away. Next day when he came to take it, Union people showed up and they stopped him from taking. They said pay them and then take. Never will they do anything or will or will let anyone do anything.
Literacy and highest HDI doesn't indicate progressiveness and common sense.
People don't like associating with phoney people but unfortunately most of them are. It's sad. to see people pretending to be a liberal. They are not even in the process of becoming one.
Article By Shalini Suresh
From an NRI Keralite perspective, I do not know how to describe my own society. On the one hand we have highly literate people who have lived in multiple countries and with exposure of different cultures, but still think with a backward mentality.
Many people born to parents who hail from Kerala but are raised abroad or outside of Kerala find Malayali society judgmental, narrow-minded and even nasty. It is a common complaint among such individuals to abhor having anything to do with Malayalis.
I had a Malayali friend from college who was raised in North India and only used to hang out with non-Malayalis. He was honest enough to say that he had learnt it the hard way about how people of his hometown ganged up against those who were raised elsewhere.
I remember my father's comments when I was young and living in Sharjah, my fathers always kept keen eye on the Kerala news, always hung around his fellow Keralites and discuss Kerala politics, participate in kerala cultural events and also talking about how great his things are back in Kerala. But after he retired and returned back home, he slowly started lamenting his decisions. Being unwelcome in his own land after decades away makes most Malayalis depressed and resentful. He now clearly tells me that his biggest regret is that he has helped people back home and now they treat him as an outcast. Many NRI's in the Arab world feel the same.
Among the "Gulf Malayalis", there are those who have spent decades in Arab countries working hard, taking care of their families and relatives back home, and dreaming of a peaceful life in kerala, But often what awaits them at the end of the decades-long ordeal is unspeakable ignominy and agony. Their closest family and friends get so used to their lucrative lifestyle and easy way of being taken care of, that their eventual return, and the subsequent termination of remittances, are greeted with resentment.
Comfortably entrenched in a culture of profligacy, and the anticipation of receiving gifts makes their love grow, but a sudden loss of benefits makes people resentful. People have become used to being without jobs and as they say "An idle mind is a Devil's Workshop", makes people look out for schemes to make money, by hook or crook and not indulge in anything productive.
The byproduct of the easy money relationship is the rampant consumerism, growing religious fundamentalism, mindless materialism, and last but not the least, the consequences of entire generations growing up in the absence of proper family structure and moral values.
Malayalis are also a compulsively argumentative society, a society that almost substituted the cacophony of arguments for the material gains and are willing to go any lengths to accomplish this. The argumentative and loud way of life stems from the fact that everything is a competition to become better and show off.
I remember when we were looking for a groom for my sister, my mother always said look for the rich guy and what happened from all this is that she finally got married to one and was a good wife, only to have the relationship broken because always the discussion of money would come into play. I remember my sisters in laws always bragging that their daughter in law is a doctor and hardly introduced her by her name. From their end, it seems like a bad deal because they did not get a family with a lot of connections.
During my childhood, from what i have observed among friends families is that, the Gulf, Malyalis who were wealthy, had to invite religious leaders, politicians, actors and association leaders to their houses for meals and have to prove themselves that they are prominent members, also taking photographs with Malayalam stars and politicians and have those photos published. The humour in this is that once these NRI Malayalis lose their business or jobs in the gulf, these photos are just memories and no one in the photo even wants to talk with them.
What I don't get is the fact that people are never satisfied and want to pretend to live a larger than life and in the pursuit will ultimately live miserably. I have seen Malayalis who have lost their jobs in Dubai, all of a sudden become an outcast and becomes a lonely figure, and when they return home, live in a mansion they have built, with the only touch to the outside world is through television. Most of them even try to go out somewhere else and live as money buys their relationship in their homeland, and as soon as the well dries up, they have to go elsewhere and live.
It is true that a bit of prejudice runs in Kerala against those who do not subscribe to the local viewpoint, traditions or even a conservative dress code. Still when you compare it with other places in India, it is much more clean, better healthcare.
But for all the gains that have been made over the years, the Kerala society has remained culturally stagnant for a few decades. It is now apparent that despite its tremendous record in education, health and society-building, narrow-mindedness, bigotry and moral policing are on the rise. All this has also led to society becoming more judgmental when it comes to dealing with outsiders and even its own who have returned from other cultures.
Kerala is a paradoxical enigma, where to any outsider it is a land of beauty with lots of greenery, big houses and picture perfect postcard photos, but to a Non native who has spend a lot of time there or an NRI Keralite, it is a land that ooze unbearable pain, a life filled with people only wanting them for their wealth or being isolated, and most of them leave or try and settle down somewhere else so as to find a modicum of happiness.
The irony of NRI Keralite is that even though they face all the hardship back home and eventually settling down somewhere else, and becoming very cynical, they try and recreate a little kerala and hope that the new Kerala will be how it is imagined in their dreams. The fact that they settle abroad due to these and forming various malayali associations creates a new breed where the exiled ones are skeptical of the native born Malayalis.
It is a land where all Non natives have a joke - “The joke doing the rounds is that Kerala, being God's own country, requires every Adam and Eve born there to be expelled and sent down to earth”
For all the education, I wonder which equation went wrong for our society to become this way.
Sharing Article by Jacob Vaghese
Let me clarify from a Keralite point of view
After initial love affair from childhood with the familiar culture which I have grown up with and moving to a new environment,
I can understand why my own people Malayali are treated with suspicion and skeptical.Outside the borders of God's own country, we are prepared to do anything, any time, for any duration and that is why we are recognized as good workers wherever we are.
Are we the same in our Homeland? No, we are just the exact opposite.One thing they fail to realise is that chauvinism and white collar attitude can sell only in Mallu home land. While in Kerala, they do not like to soil their clothes and wet their hands.
Keralites are raised from childhood with a sense of superiority and that we are the only 100 percent literate people anywhere and that is one of the reason that we are snobbish and walk with our noses held up high. While the snobbish attitude exist, the irony is that Outside the borders of God's own country, we are prepared to do anything any time, for any duration and wherever we are. Are we the same in our Homeland? No, we are just the exact opposite. Malayalis will work anywhere but when confronted with an oppotunity to exploit someone and take unfair advantage they will do it without any hesitation.They do this because every aspect of Mallu culture is boasting and showing that you are better than anyone else.
The life of a Mallu is always filled with struggles. A struggle not only to make both ends meet, but also to meet the demands of our show off culture. We usually go abroad or move to other states to make a living. We work and live like a sparrow and save like a squirrel for the rainy day. A closer look into our lives will give us an insight of what life really is.
Each and every Malayali who is sensible knows that if he is talented the others will put him down and must be suspicious of their relatives or friends.There is a scene in Roman Polanski's "The Pianist". A Jew tries to get away from an apartment where he's been holed up for months but unfortunately is spotted by a neighbour.
As he scrambles down the stairs as fast as he can, she screams with utter contempt and hate: "Catch him! He's a JEW!!!
That is exactly the way how many people feel, while working with them - Like a Jew in Hitler's Nazi Germany.
I remember former colleague, Vijay who himself is a keralite mockingly say "You should first kill a Mallu, if you happen to meet a Mallu and a poisonous snake together." Well, he meant it as a joke, but there are others who do so from the heart.
There is a Term which people use to decribe the attitudes of Keralites, it is called "Malluism". Let me describe the characteristics of a Malluism.
#BeingMallu is to have your best friend always from the any other community. Why - Very Simple. Mallus do not trust anpther Mallu as he is afraid of the backstabbing
#BeingMallu – Find a way to declare that every other movie is a remake of a mallu movie - Meaning, all movies do not hold a candle to Malayalam films. Everything else is crap
The Malayali “Know-it-all” Attitude
Since the level of school graduates is high , social emancipation, widely traveled people for jobs abroad, muggin up newspapers than any other state, Malayalees have this feeling of “we know everything” and are storehouses of General Knowledge. Even if that knowledge is in bits and pieces and often wrong.
#Being mallu is being a know-it-all and proclaiming it to all.
They have discussion on anything from politics to anything under the sun. But half baked information and will argue that they are correct. The I-know-everything…I-am-everything attitude. They believe in knowing something about and having an opinion on everything under the sun.
The Judgemental, Crabby, Self-Righteous Malayali Poking noses into others business.
Malayalees pass judgement on any and everything under the sun, no matter what. It is a nasty habit, as much is that of pulling the other guy down (crabbiness) and ignoring one’s own house to concentrate on what is going on in the next house.
The Malayali is at times so two faced that it borders on hypocrisy.
A few more Mallusim
#BeingMallu – Cycle gap koduthal avide Volvo kettuka. ( Squeeze a Volvo where there is a gap only for a cycle)
#BeingMallu - is the ultimate ‘para’ backstabbing to another Mallu or anyone else.
#BeingMallu - Neighbours are more interested in your affairs than theirs.
#BeingMallu - Means everyone has an opinion on your life.
#BeingMallu - Everybody else is worried about your whereabouts more than your parents
#Beingmallu Judging people by their looks.
I guess now we know why most people outside and inside are always skeptical.
After slowly distancing myself from Mallus, I guess I turned into a better person.
Article by Brigid Wagner
I am from Germany and had lived in Kerala for a year due for doing a humanities project. I was doing for my job. I was very much excited to go there first because I got to explore a new culture and country, but now I must say I will never step foot in Kerala ever again.
Yes, it's a beautiful place, very beautiful, but as someone said before...they don't like anyone who is not of their kind. I was brashed and harassed because I am a white person and not a malayalee..only a very few people I met were nice, but these people either were shunned out from their community as they didn't follow the expectations as they had visioned life different from the "malayalee" life, or they have been abroad elsewhere,know better how to treat people and are also disgusted by their own people. When I tried to speak in malayalam, I was made fun of and people were pointing fingers and laughing..they also act they are better than me and have stabbed me in the back before. They also love to make snobby comments in front of me because they know I don't understand malayalam. Selfish, arrogant, and very disrespectful. It's funny because when I went to Tamil Nadu and Northern India, they were very accepting and friendly..I made a lot of friends from there. I don't know what makes malayalees think they are better...but I heard from a malayalee friend, who feels the same way and is living in the US that they think they are superior than other people..this why many many malayalees born and raised abroad shun their heritage out, marry outside of Kerala and basically want nothing to do with it.and it should be understood because of the way malayalees behave. I have seen this among malayalees in northern India too..just like the US and abroad, they feel the same. Of course not all of them are like that, but a good majority of them are horrible..sorry.
I don't think anyone, unless you are a native of Kerala and believe in the same thinking, will ever say "I am proud to be a malayalee". Don't want to say everything was bad but my experience there would never make me go back there.
To Be continued - Part 3
